My Almost Lover

What is happening?

"What is happening?" The question I constantly asked myself after I met the guy. I couldn't get the image of him out of my mind, it's like I went crazy. I didn't know how, what nor why it was happening. I couldn't put the pieces of puzzles into their places. His name, his face, his voice, his touch...were just there, inside my empty useless mind. For a moment it was quiet and I was in peace. "Why did I feel a spark? How did it become this far? Am I falling for him? Is this real? Am I awake?". Questions no one could answer for me, because obviously I was asking them to myself in my head.

And I was actually missing him, usually I don't really miss someone I just met. But damn, it felt quite alright. The thought of him missing me was 20%, but guess what...he missed me too :) . The days went by and we just talked a lot on the phone, let's say there were more of the shy giggles. Yes, a bit immature but we're both shy people.

One day, he told me that his sister, Shanicia, likes me. Sounds creepy and awkward, but he said she was a "fan". Funny, little did I know that there were people from other schools(SGT,Lyco2, VWO...that's some of them) that know me but I never even know they existed. That was quite rude, I'm sorry. Anyways, in January I went to my aunt's warung at Tamanredjo which is the neighborhood were A lives. And yes, we met again. We hugged and I felt save again.

We talked three days after, and his sister talked to me. I was nervous asf, she started complimenting me and almost making me faint, haha. A told her that we met the other day, she said "What? Here, at Tamanredjo? What? Where? When? With who? You could've asked her for an autograph!" I was so shy and embarrassed, because she was acting like I was popular or something. A did tell me quite a lot about how he's a lone wolf and I'm the popular one, but I don't see it like that. I constantly say how popularity has nothing to do with who you are, it doesn't define you. He's socially anxious, which is one of the things I tend to find cute. Because boys like that, don't stand out, not many people know of them. And he's quite the Geeky type, I kinda dig that ;).

Weeks went by, the feelings didn't go away. I didn't know what to do. I just kept them in, oh the torture. I tried holding it in, but sometimes I gave hints. Which was bad, very bad. Because I didn't wanna fall for anyone, and I was afraid that he'd reject. Why did I think that? Well, I'm not really the perfect type and I'm pretty much insecure most of the times...