Love on the Other side of the Rainbow

Blocked, Bullied, and Blue

Chapter 23: Blocked, Bullied, and Blue

The weeks and classes went by as I was adapting to the new college environment.  My goal of opening up and meeting new people was going well. There was no way that I would consider these people friends yet, but they were classmates that I talked to during the class.

       Seeing Dave after his speech class every Tuesday and Thursday became a normal part of each week. Dragging on my feelings for him was the only way I could spend time and talk with him. On every other day, I would message him from my phone. I admit, it was a little obsessive.

       Over the time, I could tell that David was becoming annoyed by my visits to him.  During the course of the fall semester, I kept promising him that I would move on and drop the subject of the attraction I had for him.

       I managed to do the same bad habit in an even worse way by guaranteeing Dave that I would drop my feelings for him and not bring them up at all in the future. For a few weeks, I was really good about it. I brought them up one night by sending a message to him from my phone. Dave did not respond.

       I went online, only to find out that he blocked me on every social network possible and decided to not tell me about it. His choice of doing this made me so depressed that I felt sick to my stomach. All my strength was being used to not cry and to not puke. It felt like my brain was pulsing on an overload level. I took all the energy I had to run upstairs and collapse on my bed.

       “How could he do this to me?” I asked myself in tears of sadness and anger. Screaming into my pillow was one of the methods I used to calm down.

       “Why can’t he just talk to me about it first? I know I deserve this for hitting on him again, but he could have at least told me what he was going to do! Maybe then I could have convinced Dave to change his mind?”

       A bunch of thoughts jogged through my mind in a loop. It was like my brain was the track and field course at the high school. Everything that crossed my mind went around and around over and over again.  The constant thinking tortured me and frustrated me. All I wanted was to roll over and die from the intense emotions and the reflection of the topic I was thinking.  I turned off my light and cried myself to sleep.

       The step that David took to block me occurred on a Thursday night; Right after my math class. So when Friday night came along, I knew he had told me that he had English class on Friday nights.  When I arrived at the junior college, I found out that Dave had the same English classroom as I did.

       Sitting outside the room for over an hour killed me. The wait was not bothering me. It was the intense feeling of having to confront Dave that was beating me up. I had no idea what I was going to say. There was no way of knowing how he would react to the idea of me inviting myself to meet him outside his English class after he had blocked me. I had a strange feeling Dave was going to flip out

       Time flew by way too fast for me to even consider what I was going to say. The door to the classroom flung open and I stood there watching as people came out of the room.

       “Oh. Hey.” Dave said with a low voice. “I think I know why you are here.”

       “Want to talk about it?” I asked him in a way where I was trying to seem tough. In all reality, I was trying to not break down and cry in front of David.

       “There is nothing really to talk about.”

       “Well obviously there is something we need to discuss.”