Love on the Other side of the Rainbow

One Day After

Chapter 13: One Day After

I woke up the next day proud of myself, but in gloom. Dave’s rejection struck me pretty hard. Loving someone who does not love you back is one of the worst feelings to experience. I was in no position to complain about it though. Yes I was in love with him, but it has only been one day, and you cannot expect feelings to go away in just one day. The emotional attachment I had for Dave was strong and deep.  I figured it might take a while for me to get over him and to look into other people. I still did not know what side of the rainbow Dave was on, so I decided that maybe I could still try to pursue more than just a friendship with him. The idea of trying to win him over played in the back of my mind, but I knew I would need to take a break from this idea. David and I both needed time and space before I could try again.

“Thank God It’s Friday”, was not something that ran through my mind when I crept out of bed. My alarm clock was buzzing and it was giving me a headache. The snow on the ground, as well as the cold weather, did not help with my depression. I finally turned off my alarm clock and looked out the window one last time. The snow on the ground did not bother me, but the cold look of the outside world did.

Pulling into the school that day felt weird, but normal. It felt normal in a way that it was different. I could not tell what was causing this weird definition of “normal”. Was it the fact that Dave knew about my feelings for him? Was it because I was out of the closet? Maybe it is because I finally had the courage to be me? Either way, I felt free for once, as if I finally knew who Curtis Strickland was. Sure, part of me was still figuring things out, but I was getting use to the idea of being gay. Now that I told two people that I was on the other side of the rainbow, I was not as lost as I once was. I was still lost, but telling people was like putting together pieces of a map to help me find my way.

I got out of my car and walked towards the building. Dave was walking into the school as I was approaching the sidewalk. “Life moves on...” I thought when I saw him. It fact, life does move on, it is always moving on. It is just your choice whether or not you choose to move along with it. It is hard to move on sometimes, but we have to move on in this world of craziness and misunderstanding. Moving on is what keeps the world spinning. Dave was still the love of my life, but I was not the love of his life. Moving on is going to be a miserable experience for me, but I must try, and if I should fail, I must try again. I cannot keep loving someone if they do not love me back because it is unfair to them.

The lobby outside the main gym was crowded when I entered the building through the main doors by the student entrance. Walking down the hallway, past the dean’s office, past the vending machines, and past the main office, I finally made it to the math hallway without running into Dave. He was not mad at me, but it would just feel awkward to me because he knows I have a crush on him.  I got to my locker when I finally realized that I did not have any classes because I had a lights and sound job to do during the school day. I shut my locker and walked back down the math hallway.

I stopped by the water fountain to get a drink. Dave walked passed me and I gave him a glance. Dave did not see me as he continued to walk down the math hallway.  On the inside, I was glad that he did not see me because I felt awkward around him for some reason. I mean sure, Dave said that we would still be friends, but he knew about my feelings for him and I had this thought in my mind that he would feel uncomfortable around me. It was only a matter of time until I would see him in Young Adult Literature on Monday. That was Monday though, I had the weekend for me, as well as Dave, to cool down and figure things out.

The auditorium for my lights and sound job was my next stop. On the way there, I kept thinking about what happened yesterday after school. That moment played in the back of my mind like a movie that was stuck on constant repeat, in which, the button to turn off the repeat was broken. I could not help but envision that moment constantly. I did not know why I kept seeing the moment in my head over and over again, but I just did. After that moment would play, I would see the commercial of the conversation Mr. Heflock and I had yesterday play in between each replay. “Maybe it was because those two moments were historical moments for me?” I thought.  Either way, I was already sick of thinking about it over and over again.