Regret // s.m

part 1

(A/N: This first chapter is to explain what happened to her so that is why the main character, Valerie, is speaking in past tense terms. This is a very important part to the story. Thank you )

This again. I would feel the flush of anger run through my veins as the tone in my voice became more infuriating towards my mother.

"Valerie, it was his choice to leave us with nothing but the horrible feelings. You know I'm trying my best to get us the money we need." She said rather calmly in this heated tension. How many times would she have had to told me to get me to listen to her? Infinite amounts.

"It was you. You made him leave and go die in that pile of cocaine." I would tell her repeatedly, ignoring what she had to say to me. My mother did try her best to get us out of this insolvent life style, working every day as different employees. From grocery bagging to motel desk clerks, she did it all. But it was also her who was an alcoholic and that was enough to drive my father away from the sixteen year old daughter he loved and the wife whom he used to. Before he had left, their relationship was dying off, I was expecting a divorce but not this cruel separation.

"Val, dad was cruel to me, just like how you think I'm being to you. It wasn't just his words that hurt me Valerie.... It was much more." She explained, her once bright eyes becoming glossy.

I shook my head, biting my lip in attempt to stop the tears from falling.

"I wish it was you, not dad." I hadn't notice the hurtful words that just left my mouth but when I did I regretted every single bit of it.

My mother looked at me, full of hurt, but just slightly nodded her head as if my words were expected.

With that, I ran the few steps it took me to get into my "room" and I slammed the door shut. I had soaked my pillow with tears before quietly drifting off to a slumber.

~~~

My eyes flew open to an abrupt noise. Is my mother drunk again, throwing beer bottles at the wall? I hopped off of the slim mattress and walked to where I heard the noise.

It wasn't beer bottles shattering into pieces, it was a gun.

My mother was on the ground, her almost black blood pouring out from her wound.

My whole body slumped to the ground, next to my dead mother as tears rushed down my face without warning.

"No, mom, this isn't real. It's okay, you're okay, everything is going to be just fine if you wake up. Mom, please open your eyes." I sob. Heart ache hadn't been more powerful.

Sadness turns into confusion. We didn't own a gun. As if on que, I notice the dark figure standing in front of me with a gun in their hand. I couldn't see their face, considering no light was on in the house and only the moon gave me light but I could see enough to tell he was a much older male figure.

His hands were tremulous as he raised the gun at me. He looked as scared as I was, and that confused me even more.

"Shoot me." I whispered, loud enough for this murder to hear. I couldn't imagine living in a world where both my parents were gone. His finger shifted to the trigger and I closed my eyes for him to shoot me.

Nothing happened.

"Shoot me!!!" I shouted, my voice echoing through my home that has now become a murder scene.

As if what I said was a signal for him to leave, he flew out of my house like a bird, leaving me with my dead mother.

What do I do now? I took the so little food we had left in the pantry and hid in the small closet for what felt like weeks but actually was just a few days. I guess neighbors had complaint about the reeking smell that came from my mothers corpse because the police came and went under an investigation to come to the conclusion that my mother and I were both dead.

"Where's the daughters body?" One policeman asked.

"Murder probably took her body somewhere, raped her maybe. We will just tell the head police that." Another voice answered with uncertainty.

"Case closed?"

"Case closed."

As soon as the police left my home with my mother, I took my last rinse and headed out to the city where I would never come back to this sorrowful home.