MAYBE

The End

I pull her back to the mattress while she attempts to squirm away. “You’re exhausting, you know that?” I roll her onto her back and she begins to nod, frantically.

“That’s right, Amber. I’m exhausting. I’m mean. I always see the glass half empty, and if you think telling me you love me will make me nicer and less exhausting, you’re wrong. You can’t change me. Everyone wants to change me, but I am who I am, and if you think me telling you that I love you, too, will make me shit out unicorns and rainbows, you’re wrong. I hate unicorns and rainbows.”

I drop my face to her neck and I start to laugh. “Oh, my God, I can’t believe you’re mine.” I kiss her on the cheek, and then I kiss her on the forehead, and then her nose and her chin and her other cheek. I look back at her eyes full of confusion.

“I don’t want you to change, Krystal. I’m not in love with who you could be, or who you used to be, or who the world says you should be. I’m in love with you. Right now. Just like this.”

She’s still guarded and defensive, so I pull her closer to me and wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. “Stop,” I whisper in her ear. “Stop telling yourself that you aren’t lovable, because it’s pissing me off. I don’t care if you aren’t ready to admit how you really feel about me yet, but don’t you dare dismiss how I feel about you. Because I love you.” I kiss her on the side of the head, and I say it again. It feels so good to finally say it. “I love you, Krystal.”

She pulls away just enough for me to see her face. Her eyes are rimmed with tears.

“Krystal, I love you,” I say again, this time looking her straight in the eyes. I can feel her struggling internally. Part of her wants to enjoy this moment, and part of her is trying to hold up that last wall that still stands between us.

“I love you,” I whisper again.

One of the tears escapes from her eyes, and I’m afraid she’s about to break and push me away like she always does. I press my lips against hers, and I inhale deeply. I touch her cheek and wipe away her tear with my thumb.

“You’re the most genuine person I know, Krystal. So whether you think you deserve love or not, it doesn’t matter, because I can’t help it. I fell in love with you, and I’m not sorry for it.”

Another tear falls from her eyes.

A smile forms on her lips.

A laugh escapes her mouth, and her chest begins to shake because she’s laughing and crying and kissing me. And I kiss her right back, crashing right through the last wall that stood between us.

She wraps her hands in my hair and rolls me onto my back, still with her lips pressed to mine. I open my eyes and she backs away from my mouth, still smiling. She begins to shake her head in slow disbelief. “I can’t believe I’m in love with such a stupid, stupid asshole.”

I’m not sure this sentence could mean more to any other man in the world.

“I love you, Amber.”

I can’t even tell her I love her back, because hearing those words come out of her mouth has left me completely speechless. But I don’t think she cares, because her lips are on mine so hard and fast, I wouldn’t be able to speak anyway.

I’m in love with Krystal.

Krystal is in love with me.

All is finally right in the world.

We continue to kiss while we remove each other’s clothes. Neither one of us is in control this time. She makes love to me at the same time I make love to her, and no one is in charge. No one is calling the shots. It’s completely equal now. She feels about me how I feel about her and when we’re finished, she whispers, “I love you, Amber.”