⚪Weak➖p.jm

삼십팔

"FUCK JIMIN"i cursed out loud but that just made jimin hugged me tighter.I hate him i hate him as fuck why does he have to make things harder for me?Why cant he just treat me like his mom does?why cant he just treat me like the others do?

"Ch-cheol,p-please..p-please."His voice cracked,Now he's crying because of me.Good job Sangcheol.

I took a deep breath as i pushed him with all force.He fell on the ground.I saw his face..with pain,guilt,grief painted on it.His eyes were red and swollen his lips became more pale,his skinnier than before.He looked like a zombie,a living zombie.

I thought he was about to run away but he just hugged me again and damn it,that's where I lose all of it and i just found myself hugging him back,tears began falling down my cheeks to his shirt.

"S-Sangcheol-ah"he called.

Oh how i love it how he calls my name.Even though his voice is hoarse,it still brought music to my ears.I'll never get tired hearing that voice,that sweet and cheerful voice that was quickly replaced with a hoarse and dull one.

"I-Im s-sorry i didn't know Im sorry im very very sorry."he cried.

Why do you always make me hate myself.I hate myself,because of me,you're suffering,your crying why dont you just act like normal teens do.Why dont you just be happy like others.

You dont deserve someone like me.

"J-jimin there's nothing to be sorry about"

"I-im sorry,please I'll really kill myself if something bad happens to you."

"J-jimin stop"

"I will never forgive myself if you do this again,please stop this cant you see everybody is worrying about you?"

I dont care about them,What matters to me is that you worrying about me but i guess you aren't.

"Cheol-ah,why cant you be happy like others do?Can you just please smile?because i fucking miss that smile of yours.That smile of yours that completes my day.Please can you go back to the old cheol when were still 10 years old?where you still cry over your broken toys?where you still get mad because mom wont buy you Ice cream?where you still laughed like you dont have any problems in life?"he told me as he cried on my shoulder.

If that's that easy jimin then why not.

"Jimin please stop this shit,things are alot different now.People change remember that,nothing lasts forever.Everything has it's end."I answered back as i tried to take his arms off me.

"If everything has its end then why still i love you right now?"Then thats where i pushed him.real hard.

"DAMN IT PARK JIMIN DO YOU THINK THAT IM REALLY FLUTTERED UPON HEARING YOUR WORDS WELL HELL NO,AND TO TELL YOU THIS IM YOUR SISTER FOR FUCK'S SAKE SO CUT THE DAMN WILL YOU?!"I shouted,tears continously poured down,i couldnt take it anymore,it all went out when i heard those words.

Normal teenage girls will really feel happy when someone confesses to them but its different to me.Instead of feeling happy,it made me more depressed and hurt.

Being his sister was never the reason,i wasnt really his sister anyway thats why his mom treated me like trash.I was illegally adopted thats why our surnames our different.

He ran to me then held my hand"I know thats not the reason cheol,were not even blood related.So please tell me.tell me why cant you love me back."He kissed my hand as he looked at me straight in the eyes.

I looked away,guilt eats me up everytime i looked into those pair of eyes,everytime i looked at it,all i can see is pain,pain,pain and pain.

I want to see him smile again,his smile that his eyes go crescent.His smiles give me hope,happiness and content.

"I love you sangcheol,believe me,do you know how much it hurts to hear your cries everynight?Do you know how much i hate myself for not being able to wipe those tears?Do you know how much it hurts for not being there beside you everynight to comfort you?Sangcheol-ah,do you know how much i hate myself because i cant do a single thing to make you happy?!"He shouted while here i am,crying again.

This what i wanted right?Jimin confessing to me?But i never thought it will end up like this.I was expecting confessions like typical teenagers do.I never thought confession was this painful.Now i know why teens take this seriously.

"J-jimin please stop,enough.You dont have to blame yourself,If there is someone to blame here,then thats me.So dont hate yourself."Its peircing me everytime he blames himself for me being like this.

"Its not your fault why Im like this Its not your fault why i killed my self.Jimin it will never be your fault."

"Then tell me why?!Tell me why do you always cry?!tell me why do you always try killing yourself?!Tell me why cant you smile anymore?!please tell me why!"

"You really want to know why?"I asked,he nodded so I kissed him.

I knew he was shocked but he recovered quickly then he began to kiss me back.

I felt butterflies on my stomach as my heart beat in its unusual beat.He kissed me with full passion and love as he pulled me closer to him.Our bodies are very close that i could hear our heart beating in the same pace.

I carresed his soft brown hair as my other hand touvhed every inch of his face while his hands rested on my waist.I wish we could do this more often,i wish we could stay like this for a longer time.God knows how much i love this man but i just cant. You two will just get hurt again especially him,he'll just end up crying again.Are you really that cruel that its okay if gets hurt as long as you're happy?

"I..love..you.."He whispered between kisses.More tears fell down as he said those two words.I cant.I shouldn't.Im sorry Jimin.Im really sorry.

I ended our kiss,even if i still didnt ran out of breath.I looked at him and I saw that smile on his lips again.It was so genuine and innocent.How can I even hurt an angel like him?

I looked away from,not wanting to see that smile again.It hurts so much that that smile will soon vanish after i say these words  to him.