Thank You, Tyler

Chapter 8

I wasn't ready to be a mother at seventeen years old, nobody really is.

I sit alone in the waiting room.

A nurse calls my name. I look up and force my legs towards her.

"Are we waiting for the dad?" She whispers.

"There is no dad," I shake my head.

"Oh there he is!"

"Wha--" I turn around to see Derek slipping up behind me.

"Derek, what are you doing here?" I ask as we're lead down the hall.

"I didn't want you to go alone."

I wrap my arm around his bicep and lean on his shoulder.

"Thank you."

--

She's beautiful in the sonogram. I can't believe how much she's growing.

I still haven't made a decision on what to do and time is getting closer to running out. I'm at the five months mark now.

After seeing her a few times in sonograms, I don't think I can have an abortion. I haven't really thought about adoption, and probably won't still.

But how can I raise a baby on my own?

I like to imagine she'll have soft brown hair and my light blue eyes. I have a lot of dreams for her.

Derek interrupts my daydreaming.

"Have you thought of a name yet?"

"A name? I don't even know yet what I'm gonna do with her."

"Kell-bear, you're five months along. If you were really considering anything other than keeping her, then you would have decided already," he smiles looking into my eyes.

"How am I gonna raise her then? I'm only seventeen. I don't have a job. I'm just a baby myself--"

"We can do it," he smiles bigger.

"We?"

"Yeah, I can be Uncle Derek to little miss whatever her name is."

"Derek--" I'm so happy, but I feel queasy.

I cover my mouth and run to the bathroom.

--

Derek drives me back to his house after my mom says it's okay with her if I stay over.

Derek's bed is soft. He said I could sleep in here tonight and he'd take the couch.

But hours pass and I can't sleep.

I text Derek.

12:01 AM | Me: you up?

12:02 AM | Derek: sup?

12:03 AM | Me: can't sleep

12:05 AM | Derek: that sucks :/

I type and backspace several times before giving up. I pause and decide to just say it.

12:09 AM | Me: come cuddle

12:11 AM | Derek: ...cuddle?

12:12 AM | Me: come here before I change my mind!

12:14 AM | Derek: you wanna cuddle?

12:15 AM | Me: yessss come here

12:17 AM | Me: are you coming?

12:20 AM | Me: Derek??

He comes in after another five minutes, just as I give up on him replying.

"I found you another pillow, maybe that'll help," he nods and turns to leave again.

"Where are you going?"

"I got you a pillow so you can sleep better--"

"No, what are you doing? Why are you leaving?" I sit up.

"I don't wanna hurt you."

"Just come here."

He crawls into his bed, leaving two feet of space between us.

Exhausted, I fall asleep.

I wake up again with my head on his chest and my hand across his tummy.

"What time is it?"

"One-thirty."

Derek is very awake. His eyes are red from staying up even though he's obviously tired, too.

"Why are you awake?"

"Because I love you, Kelly," he blurts out.

"Wh-what?"

"I love you, Kelly. I'm in love with you, Kelly. And I don't want anything to happen to you again on my watch."

"Derek, it's not your fault."

"I drove you there," you can hear the guilty conscience in his voice.

"You didn't know he was gonna ra--"

"I couldn't save you."

"You beat him up for me."

"He raped you," he bites his lip to keep from crying. "And I couldn't save you. I was too late."

I feel the chest of his shirt is wet with my tears.

I pull my head up to rest on his shoulder.

"You're here now," I look into his eyes.

"I always will be," his eyes meet mine.

My lips part, I want him to kiss me.

"That's why Tyler hurt me."

"What?"

"He knew I loved you," I share.

The room quiets as Derek absorbs what I've just said, my lungs feel free as the secret is forced into the air.

Derek looks at me again, laying on his shoulder, and kisses my forehead.

I look up and kiss him softly on his lips.