Freak Week

I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

Psssttt, this is technically chapter two! Make sure to go read chapter one on the @writingwith page so you won't get confused.

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Dear Robot Diary,

Remember that high hope I'd mentioned about getting through Freak Week without humiliating myself in front of Crush? Boy did that hope get crushed. No pun intended. Well, actually, pun intended. Second day of Freak Week: Attack of the Puns. Amongst other things.

This morning I'd woken up to Mr. Kevin giggling to himself in the corner of the basement. While that was alarming— ha ha, alarm, waking up, get it?— in its own way, I knew it had to do something with Freak Week. Upon noticing I was awake, he twisted around and beckoned me over. "Hey, Lace. What happened when past, present, and future walked into the bar?"

"I don't know," I answered.

"It got TENSE," he burst out and then keeled over in laughter. Like not even normal laughter. Like shrieking, dying animal laughter. It was the sealiest thing I'd ever heard.

Dang it. I'm trying not to use any puns, Robo-D, I swear. But come on, you know it's punny. Ugh.

"Guess how long it takes me to put on my underwear in the morning!" Harry shouted, as if the louder the pun, the funnier it was.

"I don't know," I said again because the worst part is that you have to respond. You know the pun is coming and even though you don't want to encourage it, you are compelled to react. You can't fight it. You have to finish the pun.

"Pretty brief! HAHAHA."

Now I know that this doesn't sound so horrible compared to the other Freak Week events. Everyone enjoys a bad pun once in awhile, no? But here's the thing—apparently bad pick-up lines count as puns. Do you know what doesn't mix? Being forced to say bad pick-up lines while being trapped with your crush aptly named Crush in a basement.

There's just something about Crush, Robot Diary. He's a mix between a boy-next-door and a jock, with wavy, golden blonde hair. He's muscly, but not too muscly. He's tall, but not too tall. He's fit, but not too fit. He's handsome, but, well actually he's a good amount of handsome. In other words, he's perfect. He's basically a Greek God. Did I mention that? He's Greek. I'd love to just throw some olives on top of him and make a scrumptious Greek salad on a pita...

Sorry, I'm getting distracted. Anyway, as soon as Crush woke up and opened those beautiful baby blue eyes that I could stare into for forever, I blurted out, "Hey, Crush! Are you a banana?"

"Crush can be whatever he wants," Banana chimed in.

"This is my time to shine, Banana," I snapped. Not because I wanted to. But because the pun needed to come out. I had no choice. Thanks a lot, Freak Week.

She pouted. "Fine. I'm going to banana split," she said and stalked away from us to the corner where Mr. Kevin was still giggling.

"Are-you-a-banana?" I repeated, the words coming out of my mouth at an incredible speed. I was practically bursting at the seams. "Because you are a-peeling."

I know. SO embarrassing. Don't even remind me of it. Marmie says I'm over reacting, but what does she know of my love? Nothing. Fortunately (or rather unfortunately) what followed after hopefully made him forget about the mortifying accident.

We'd decided in order to survive, we'd have to go get food from the cafeteria. Crush, Marmie, and I all volunteered to go. I bit my tongue to keep from saying any bad puns, whispering them quietly when I couldn't hold them back anymore. When we came out of the cafeteria with as much food as we could carry, something felt off.

"Do you hear that?" Marmie whispered.

It was the faintest buzzing. Then it got louder and louder until...

"UN-BEE-LEIVABLE!" Crush shouted, pointing behind Marmie to where a huge swarm of bees were beelining toward us.

"Run!! They're attracted to marmalade!" I cried and Marmie's eyes grew round.

"Bee calm!" Crush said, levelheaded like always. "I'll fight them off."

Did I mention Crush took martial arts? I'm not sure why he thought karate chopping a bee would be a good idea. It would definitely sting. Hehe.

"Just run bee-fore they get us!" I yelled.

Crush took off first, sprinting back to the basement and leaving us behind in his dust. He's the fastest runner on the track team. After beeing distracted by his beehind for approximately three seconds, Marmie tugged on my hand and we both hurried back to the basement, somehow managing to avoid the buzzing insects.

Now we are currently eating sandwiches and listening to bees dive bomb the door to the basement. Crush is sitting next to me and I'm having a hard time not shouting every pick-up line I can think of at him. I really don't think I'll be able to survive this Freak Week.

Oops. Got to go, Robo Diary. Mr. Kevin wants to make a survival plan. I've been trying to avoid him because the last thing I want to do is tell a bad pick-up line to my teacher.

Yikes.

Six days and counting,

Lace.

That's some pretty wonky stuff, isn't it? This is my first chapter for Freak Week and I've been commissioned by AT&T Writing With Grace to bring it to you! What's this all about, you may ask? Head on over to the @WritingWith profile on Wattpad to get all the details and terms and conditions for the contest. Your chapter might be read out loud by Grace Helbig at Vidcon! Exciting, huh? Thanks for reading! Check out the hashtag #writingwithgrace