I feel so awful.
I know I hurt her feelings.
I make her insecure.
I hate myself for it.
I try so hard to be myself but I always screw up.
Because I don't know how to handle myself, my feelings, or my words.
I can't look her in the eyes and tell her I love her.
I get scared.
She makes my heart skip beats.
I look at her everyday and I see
Beauty
&
Perfection.
I just want her to know that she's wonderful.
The way she laughs.
The way she dances.
The way she plays with my fingers and pokes my nose.
She's silly and sweet.
I love her.
But I'm scared.
I can't control my anxiety.
My fear.
My pain.
It comes and goes as it pleases.
I want to be able to love her freely.
But I just can't seem to get out of my own head.
She tells me things that nobody else does.
About herself.
About me.
She makes me feel like I'm at home.
All I think about is wrapping my arms around her waist and giving her soft kisses.
But I feel like I will scare her.
I'm too forward.
This girl....
I haven't even known her a year.
I don't have to though.
I know I love her.
I was so outgoing when I met her.
I hadn't even introduced myself and I just walked up to her and bluntly said "take a selfie with me."
And she hesitantly did.
I still have that picture.
She was in my art class.
She's talented.
She's graceful.
She's beautiful.
She's quiet.
But she's wonderful.
I regret not getting to know her when she first came to my school.
I didn't usually make new friends.
I kept to myself most of the time when it came to new people.
A few months had passed, I'd done some stupid things with some stupid boys.
I learned something new about her.
She's not straight.
It didn't bother me.
I had gay friends.
But I didn't treat her as just one of my other gay friends.
She came to school one day, crying.
I walked her straight out of the room and I just held her.
I recall that day.
It was the first day she had been totally open with me.
She told me about her past.
What's going on now.
What's bothering her.
I knew that moment, that I was in love with her.
But damn am I scared.
I want you to know that I do love you.
Undoubtedly.
And I always will.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
I'm sorry for making you insecure.
I'm sorry for screwing things up.
You forgive me too easily.
I don't deserve you.
