My Fake Boyfriend

My Secret

"Yes, blood pressures normal now. Just keep drinking a lot of fluids and stay away from eating a lot of fatty food" The nurse told me.

I nodded my head showing I understood when, in actual fact, I didn't care. I couldn't find myself to care anymore.

I pulled my sleeves down and stood up from my seat, waiting for the nurse to dismiss me. I fidgeted with my fingers for awhile, looking around the room. The nurse fiddled with a few machines, taking notes down on a pad.

I bit my lip anxiously, hoping for the silence to end. Finally, she turned around to face me, concern evident on her face.

"I know, I've asked this everytime, honey, but I have to as part of the protocol. Are you sure we can't be of further assistance?" She bent down towards my height, putting the notepad down on the chair besides me.

"Yes. I'm sure." I breathed out confidently. I didn't want anyone to question me right now, especially when I had made up my mind.

"I know, sweetie but, the thing with aplastic anaemia is that it is-"

"No, I don't want to hear it again." I cut in, not wanting to hear anymore explanation. I've had aplastic anaemia for a year now and I wasn't going to change my mind.

"We both know that these checks ups are mere formalities; there's little chance for finding a treatment for me. So, why waste more money for the search?" I drawled, pursing my lips as I spoke.

She stood up fully back to her regular height, exhaling slowly.

"Well, if that's what you want honey," she picked up the notepad and walked back to the machines, not saying another word.

I was diagnosed with Severe Aplastic Anaemia when I had turned 13. Aplastic Anaemia was common and not as fatal, but some were severe cases and thus dubbed as SAA. A few hundred people in the US alone suffered from this
It was very slight, in its first years and I didn't understand it's calamity, until I was a bit older. When I was around 16, I began to learn more about my condition. It turns out that the only possible treatment for my condition was Bone Marrow Transplant. It was very expensive, but my parents still paid for it. That was the easy part.

For the treatment criteria, I needed someone else's Bone Marrow to replace mine. This person had to have Bone Marrow with an 100% match to mine in order for the treatment to be successful and the chances of this were very slim. The hospital's next step was to search for a possible donor for me. In order to maintain this search, they had to be paid for their time and effort.

A year went by and no donor came along. At this point, our family entered a financial crisis. It was getting harder and harder to keep the roof over our heads and, at that point, I came to a decision. The treatment search had to stop. It was doing more harm than benefit and it was showing little success. I accepted the fate chosen for me. I accepted that there was no donor for me out there and that I should leave this world in peace without ruining the lives of my parents as I left. That was the decision I had chosen.

A part of me wanted to live for longer, but there was a problem. It was too expensive with no guarantee of success. I couldn't do that to my parents.

My mom arranged the money yesterday, somehow, but I couldn't try finding a donor with that money, especially if there was no sure definite treatment.

The only reasons for coming to these appointments now was to have a general blood transfusion. It eased the symptoms slightly, but gradually, the symptoms would come back with a roaring vengeance. And, soon enough, there would be a time when not even a blood transfusion would be able to help me.