Single father series

Turn it into art

I cannot believe the time has come to take my little boy to his first class in school. I feel like it was yesterday that I held him for the first time. His big blue eyes slowly turning green, the same shade as my own and his hair slowly curl but he stayed blonde. I always laugh when I remember that one time he called me a weirdo because I had been looking at him for too long while he was watching a cartoon. I couldn't help but look at those features that resembled my own so much. He's even adopted many of my gestures like sticking his tongue out when eating or playing with his lips without even noticing especially when he's nervous or watching TV. What surprised me was this sudden feeling of loss that washed over me. This was a whole new part of his life, of our lives. Now I understand why mum acted so strange when Gemma and I started school. This is one of those indicators your child is growing up and it's all going too fast. Seeing him disappear into the mass of children with a little rucksack on his back caused my chest to tighten. Just like these seven years went by another seven will and he'll be starting high school, a little later he'll go to parties, have partners... and before you know it he'll be an adult. I wanted time to freeze so desperately.

Along with this sadness I felt equal joy of a little, smart boy he's growing into. He was so excited to start elementary school. I thought I'll have to do some convincing like I did with nursery. The whole summer was filled with questions about school and subjects. He said he hoped he wouldn't end up in the same class as Ava because she was annoying. Little did he know we asked for them to be in the same class. It was easier that way if one of them were to be ill or miss school for some reason and it's always easier when you know at least one person when coming to new surroundings.

I wondered whether he'll be so keen on studying later when they actually start learning stuff like he's been with painting. As a toddler he always had millions of question and to each answer there was a why. All the interrogations led to that awkward question: where do babies come from. He didn't buy the story about storks bringing little bundles of joy to this world. Children are born smarter nowadays. So I made up some story I'm not sure I can repeat now, and, thankfully, he let go of it quite fast. He gets tired of things too soon which worried me a little because that can mean difficulty with getting him interested in schoolwork.

Last year was an eventful one. He was now, more than ever, interested in the story of who his mother was. I did my best to change the topic every time because I think he's still too small for that talk. As mature as he is for his age it's still too early. This year he learnt to ride a bicycle and roller skates so that meant I had to carry a box of plasters everywhere with me because his balance is as good as mine is. He's been spending a lot more time with me in the atelier but not so much to watch anymore, like when smaller, but actually drawing things. For now it's only splashes of colour or some trees and houses but even now he has a great sense for composition and colour matching. I tried to keep him active and prevent him from becoming a tech addict at such a young age. I know it's a different era from the one I grew up in and I understand children's interest in mobiles and computers but that doesn't mean I'll let him be tied to a machine at such a young age just so I don't have to entertain him. Of course he plays video games and watches cartoons and films, calls his granny and aunt but still spends a fair share of his time in parks and just out for whatever reason. We had our first pet, but sadly the fish didn't live long so I don't think he'll ask for a new one too soon. He's a little disappointed in the whole pet holding process and was rather bummed when they died. Apart from that he did his own haircut which meant he had a hole in that mess of hair on his forehead but he refused to cut the rest to make it equal. He said he wanted to tie his hair like I did. One day he wanted to train football, the other karate and the third tennis. He was keen on everything but there was nothing that kept him satisfied. What I tried to do, and will always try to do, is make him happy. I don't ever want to see frowns on his small, round face. I want him to look back and smile at his childhood memories not to have to heal from them. I discovered Italian songs put him to sleep and the sound of flute makes him feel anxious for some reason. We also had our first kitchen injury where he burnt his thumb helping me cook when he touched a hot pot. He also had his first fight where he pushed a boy into sand because he teased his friend.