You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like That

Untouchable

"Fine, I'll just sleep on the floor," I said, finally giving up the fight against my stubborn, little cousin Nicole. I took the chair pillow down with me and stuck my tongue out at her (ain't I mature). Allie threw me the body pillow from her bed, and I made something that looked like a little cozy bed on the floor with a few extra blankets. "Don't be surprised if I'm hardcore cuddling with this pillow by the morning," I told Allie.

"Oh it's fine, that's how Curt and Cutter usually sleep with it," she absent mindedly told me. I felt myself blush at the thought. I asked if she was specifically talking about that pillow. She mumbled a "mhmm," and I enlightened her to how awkward that was. We both went silent for a while as we started watching Montana Sky.

"You like him, huh?" Allie asked out of the blue. I could hear that she was basically asleep, so I thought it was funny that she'd try to start a converstation now. I figured it was safe to tell her; she probably wouldn't remember in the morning...So I did...She just mumbled, "That's nice," and sighed to sleep.

I was exhausted, but I couldn't even think about falling asleep...The idea that he might actually like me, gnawed at my curiousity. I think I almost got up to go talk to him at least ten times. I stopped myself out of fear though. What if Nicole was wrong? What if he didn't like me?

Then something occured to me: I had to pee...really bad.....

I cringed. Now that I needed to get up, I wanted nothing more to stay nestled in my pillows and blankets. Regardless, I stretched to my feet, and walked out to the bathroom, plastered between Allie and Cutter's rooms. great.

The house was dark, so I assume Cutter went to bed as well. I quickly slipped into the bathroom, and out a minute later. I slumped back under the blankets and closed my eyes. Sleep still avoided me like an insomniac.

I laid, snuggling the pillow, watching the movie. It was just like background noise as thoughts flooded my mind. Even if he did like me, who knows if we would be able to date. It's wierd to think about it, but it's not like we're really related or anything. We didn't even know each other for the first seventeen years of our life. Funny thing is though, I don't think I even care. Regardless of all those thoughts, I knew I was falling for him. Already, I could feel it.

Eventually, I drifted to sleep, Cutter still on my mind...He followed me deep into my dreams as my subconscious crossed the hall to his room. "Are you up?" I asked him. He confirmed that he was at least semi-awake. My dream-self sat on the end of his bed. "I'm bored," I told him. Cutter sat up where he was.

"And what am I gonna do about that?" He asked her sarcastically. I shrugged and said there was something she wanted to ask him. He urged me to ask.

"Well," I started, "Nicole told me something today..." I drifted off, waiting for the fear to shut me up. The I realized it: there was no fear here. Still, my words were a stutter as I continued. "She said...she said that you like me..." I finished.

"And..." he urged, as though I should be saying more. I just gave him a confused look. "What did you want to ask?" he clarified.

"Do you?" I asked, oddly still unafraid of the answer.

"Do I what?" he asked, smirking. I asked him if he liked me. He laughed, admitting he knew what I meant (obviously). "Yeah," he said, "I think I do..." I smiled and told him that I liked him too.

The rest of the dream was filled with a montage of the next few months. We were together. We got to hang out with all of our friends at field parties, and out at the lake. We went on horseback rides together. Cutter and I were the couple everybody was jealous of. Then it was like an earthquake hit. Everything started shaking, and the entire dream shattered.

That's when it hit me. It wasn't an earthquake. Allie and Nicole were shaking me, trying to wake me up. As I looked around, a dejected feeling overcame me. I really had dreamed everything...

I sighed and we walked out of the bedroom on our way to see the horses. Cutter was standing in the middle of the living room. Apparently he had just gotten out of the shower, because he was towel-clad and shaking his hair dry like a sheep dog. He looked up at me and smirked. He knew I was checking him out, even before I realized it. I smirked back and left with Allie and Nicole.

We walked around the property for an hour or two, then went back in and watched tv in the bedroom. Cutter went out to help Channing pick up some hay. Allie, Nicole, and I ended up falling back asleep until almost 3 o'clock. We were woken back up by my aunt. She came in to let us know that we needed to clean up. She and Charlie would take me home on their way to dinner, since my place was on the way. As I walked out to the car 20 minutes later, I saw Cutter pulling out from Channing's part of the property in his dirty, red, flat-bed truck. At the speed he was driving, I could have easily run and caught up with him, but I fought the urge. I sighed and settled into the backseat of my aunt's BMW.

My aunt sat in shotgun right in front of me looking through the pictures from the wedding. "Aw, isn't that a great picture of Cutter?" she gushed, showing me the picture. I smiled and agreed, without sounding too overly enthused. He did look great...I watched as she kept going through them, silently promising myself I would talk to Cutter the first chance I got. This whole "what-if" thing was eating away at me...I needed to know...