What We Are

10/hiraeth

-MIRIAM-

Two days since we met. Two days of silence. Two days of homesickness.

Chava sent me her word of the day. 

I almost cried when I saw the meaning.

In the end I decided to laugh. Hiraeth. (n) a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was.

I haven't spoken to Tovah in a while. I wonder what she would make of the situation.

I decide to call her.

As soon as I press the phone symbol I am filled with anxious regret, as I always am when I call someone, worried that it's a bad time or she's busy, or doesn't want to talk to me.

"Darling"

"Tovah. Hi"

"What's up?" I knew I shouldn't have called, she's busy, she can't talk, why would she want to ta-

"Oh...is it a bad time? It doesn't really matter-"

"Hello Miriam?"

"Um, yes?" 

"Hi, it's Tovah. Your sister, in New York?The one who loves you most? Your favorite?" I roll my eyes. "Well I was thinking about you, and then suddenly, you CALLED."

"Tovah?"

"Well YOU aren't talking, you're probably thinking you're bothering me - which you're not - and so I am talking."

JUST SAY IT.

"I need to tell you something."

"Okay"

"Are you sitting down?"

"MIRIAM"

"..."

"I am lying on the couch wondering what on earth Miley is thinking. Have you seen her outfit from the MTV Music Video Awards?"

"Tovah my roommate is Lebanese." there. I said it.

"Well that should be interesting."

"Tovah!"

"Like from Lebanon?"

"Yes"

"Ohh."

"Yeah."

"What's her name?"

"Zahra."

"Oh that's pretty. It means rose. Or was it blossom?"

"I know what her name means Tovah. What should I do! I have been stuck with an enemy."

"Oh shut up. You have to stop thinking like that. I thought you agreed with Sevta's world views not Buba's."

True. I had confided in Tovah once that I approved of our Russian grandmother's ideals more than our Israeli one. But still, there were entire UN units based in their country to ensure the peace between us.

I didn't hate them. But I did feel that if I accepted her I would be betraying my country, my heritage, even if only a tiny bit.

"I know..."

"Well then keep to them."

"You're just saying that because you want to be different from Mama."

"Um no. I am saying that because it's stupid to keep a centuries old feud alive." 

"Okay I'm sorry."

I shouldn't have called. Of course she would disagree with me. She doesn't understand.

"I just think that you should try and be friends. I know uni is hard and this just made it harder. But why should you care about that?"

"Well...she hasn't spoken to me since we found out."

"And?"

"I can't force her to like me!"

"Be the bigger woman Miriam."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, Augustus, I'm okay. I gotta go."

"Neshikot"

Neshikot.

//

well this was extremely long...thoughts?on life?Tovah?butterflies?

Idk I don't like their conversation