A hearts story

No More Sleep

As days go on her sleep goes less. Can't fall asleep un-happy anymore. She lost how to do that after their time together. How could she sleep when all she can think about is how she will never see him in person again. She will never hear his voice. Never see his smile, and none of his outgoing ways. He won't be there to wipe away her stress.

She questions if she could ever survive these long days ever again. As hope of another chance of them being together again fades away her heart breaks off piece by piece. She screams and cries out for help inside but it's nowhere to be found. For she feels nothing on the outside. No laughter goes in. No pain comes out. What is there to do now?

Feeling like she's forced others to listen to her before that they think it's overblown and unnecessary to give attention to. Even if she wanted to talk to others what would she say? Words can't describe what's going on inside her. It's just devouring inside her head and her heart. So why talk about something when you feel like they barely will listen. With no words to tell and no one to really want to come close and help her not give up everything. No one will help because she can't seems to let anything out for help to come.

Her memories still go on but in more detail. She remembers that one of her friends have told him her little secrets. One of them ones how her favorite thing is when he hugs her from behind around her waist. Making her feel comforted and loved. When he first tried to do so he did it by the shoulders and she was sitting down. That a memory that can always get her to laugh.

How when she was trying to getting him to get ride of his note cards and wing his speech because she believe in him. That he knew it and can do better without them. And how he would hide them and tease her with the cards because she could never seem to grab them.

Also, how he didn't want to tell her his favorite band was Nickelback but, there was really no reason for that.

How when he was trying to get his way he would use her biggest weakness. Grabbing on the sides of her ribs. "It's the weirdest feeling" she always would say.

More and more memories and detail come back to her everyday. Now that she isn't looking at their future together. Since they don't have one anymore. When she still continues to text him she doesn't know if she's just hurting herself or making her better. On one hand she thinks about how why can't we still be friends. Maybe he will find a way to love her again. But also they don't seem to text the same. Goodbyes aren't special, no flirting is found, no real focus on the conversation anymore. Maybe her hope is useless.

What if he moves on when she thought they were so close to trying again? Could holding on just hurt her heart again more than it already is? Could he really stop loving someone that fast to where there's absolutely nothing?Questioning about every action she takes goes through her mind more then anything else. Good and bad she wants to hold on to anything she's got or, could she be blind and not see there really is nothing there to hold onto anymore. Will she just fall because there is nothing there to catch her? It's better to be hopeful than just giving up everything, just to walk away, Right? Could she even walk away? Could she stop loving him? No one will know the answer. Not even herself.