A hearts story

For Better or for Worse

           No pain. No smiles. Days go on, no feelings of any kind. How will she survive? She's not used to having a wall from emotions. How could she have even made on in the first place, but as a sudden day comes alone with no reasoning at all the wall began to crumble. Going from one problem to the next. Feeling nothing to feeling too much. For all pain and tears of those lost and lonely days had built up higher and higher. Becoming stronger and stronger the block couldn't resist. While the block slowly fell piece by piece her head started to thrive. Pounding in the pain of many days thoughts. The tears of all her heart's cries that never came through any cracks. Then the screams of thousand frustrations, while her life changed in the blink of an eye.
     The worst feeling of pain she is feeling is when she'd smile just to stop her tears from falling. She's forcing herself to be better but is it actually working? She hides her face from the people around had just to show she's okay. When people look at her they see a strong person getting through, it soon to be okay. But, she sees it. She sees the truth in the mirror. She only sees a broken girl that's vulnerable not able to pick herself up from the ashes of a burnt out fire. A fire that burned strong but sadly had a crushing end. A girl that can't survive here. A girl that is worthless inside and out, just simply worthless.
     When the world if so terrifying, hell coming closer and closer to us destroying our happiness, creating more struggles and harder situations for us to handle. While God's just standing by letting it happen thinking we can fight it off or waiting for us to give up to come to him. But, while hell comes closer heaven became so far away. Almost out of reach. Making us feel lost inside.
       When days are going by and texting from him became less and less her heart hardens more and more. Forcing herself to be happy and to get over it, when that's really the last thing she wants. To be happy and okay without him is a world she didn't want to live in. But with everyone telling her she needed to "move on," are words she doesn't want to hear. She feels lost enough without his reply, without seeing his face, hearing his voice, or being in his arms.
      Lost, the only word to describe herself. Hands are lost with nothing to hold, lips cold from no warmth kiss, neck lost with her necklace gone away.Eyes blurred in a watered way. Heart unfilled from lost love, laughter meaningless with a hurt soul lost happiness. Even her breath is shortened in the bestest way.
     Letting go. Could it possibly be so easy or so hard. What is the right path. The pain of letting go to be happy alone without him being there. Or to not let go and feel something indescribable. She only feels one thing. The pain of the separation growing further and further and her heart physically covering itself in a black wall. Feeling it inside yourself is more painful than anything else could possibly ever be.
      One Sunday night, she left her broken home and was somewhere in the dark neighborhood on a cold corner, with no one insight expect for an occasional passing car. Not being able to breathe anymore because she was crying much to hard. Gripping the hair on her head while rocking back and forth with her poor heart physically hurting inside.
       It's even harder when she got so use to texting him right when she wakes up, right after he got out of school from telling him everything. To not talking at all. He was her get away. The escape from this terrible world. She would talk to him and he would always make her feel better. Now she can't have that and all it's doing is getting worse. She doesn't have her get away anymore. She has to leave her house and go on the side of some random curb to cry her heart out to feel at least a little bit better because she doesn't have anywhere else to go.
      When he left, he took apart of her with him, that seems like it will never come back. That she will just be stuck like this forever cold, unlovable, and lost. Almost never laughing anymore because she can't feel it. Covering up by a simple mask with a laughter that's useless. Now with such a pointless smile, blatantly lying that her heart is blackened. Not knowing what to do with herself anymore.
      For when she could try to talk to someone about her inside feelings, they just tell her to get over him, move on. It's not that easy. She's never felt so happy and never so in love. Those short months made her the happiest She's ever felt. He made her feel like she is worth something again with a simple reply of a text. When will she know when it's okay to let go, if she could. Will it be better for her to forget their time or worse as she grieves with now substitution?

   As days goes on her mask becomes stronger while his memory fades. Tears still fall from within her heart as she forgets of all the happiness of his loving soul.