Midnight Kisses| ✓

Chapter 27

With the quiet gloom of the cemetery, with the smell of turned earth and wild flowers invading my nose, I look into myself. What I find is not the darkness, not the demons I am expecting. They are long gone. They are shadows around me but I see the light around them, casting me, lifting me up, like I am a soaring bird.

Anger is futile, Dr Asenberg's inspiring paintings used to say. Forgiveness is the path. The headstone of Emily says, daughter, best friend. And the awesomest person in Northfield cemetery, the later was what she requested in her suicide letter. I am glad she hadn't lost atleast a small part of her in her last days. I place the lilies that I have brought on her grave and sit down beside it.

Winter has given way to summer.The sun's ray are still weak but it slowly but surely taking baby steps towards invigorating it's strength. I open the letter tuck inside my jeans pocket and read it for the hundredth time to myself, and for the first time in front of Emily.

Dear Krishna,

I hope you're reading this and haven't toss it aside already. Letters are not my thing, I didn't even turn one in the eighth grade writing assignment. But as I have come to realize over the years, especially after I met Emily, there's a lot of things you don't know about yourself when you're not looking for them. There's a part of me now that knows what I want to be in a few ears time, a part I didn't knew existed. I want to be a writer. And you now know how I found that out? When Emily came to my life.

I remember the first time I saw her. She came - no she floated in- for the seventh period art class and I knew she was different from us. There was this spark about her and I wanted to be friends with her even back then. When I knew girls like her were never friends with pimply and skinny girls like me. And then I saw her with you and I thought to myself what an odd combination you were. After that I admired Emily from far and even hated her for all that she truly was. But it wasn't till she joined the cheer team that I realized my true feelings for her.

I had always been in love with Emily, I just didn't know it then. But when we began to spend a lot of time together, slowly but surely I began to all to fall for her. And I was mildly surprised and but very happy to know that she returned my feelings. Can you imagine being liked back by your lifelong crush? Our relationship was a very big secret, I wasn't sure of my sexuality yet and neither was she so we decided to keep it low key till we were absolutely sure we were serious about it. And also coming out, though not a very big deal now-a-days can be really terrifying. But I guess now I am completely certain about who I am, and what I think I am and whom I would love best.

Now you are probably wondering why you're the first person except Emily to know the truth. Yes I haven't even told Trisha yet, not because I am afraid how she will react but because you deserve to know the story before her. You see when you asked me if I knew about the video I wasn't completely truthful about it to you.

Back when Emily and I were secretly dating, we were at a club where we had a big fight and we broke up. We were both drunk and not in the best place for judgment but then this senior came to our table and asked Emily if she would like to join him in the backroom and she said yes, all the while looking straight at me. So you see, I have a pretty big hand why she actually went with him. I could have stopped her, but I didn't. I was too pissed off and all I couldn't shit think straight. I regret that night till this day. And when you came to me that day, asking questions on behalf of your best-friend, I realized, what a shitty friend I have been to the girl I had claimed to love.

But now I have finally come to a peace with myself and my first step towards that has been writing you this letter. But this is not the end, I have several other things to do, things I will do so that I can finally leave this behind me in peace.