The Realm of the Sun

The Vow

When Eirainna arrived at the castle, the coachman helped her out of the carriage and onto the ground, which had once been covered by lush green grass. Now, in its place were clumps of straw and soil kicked up by marching soldiers. She felt personally offended, each mark and dig into the earth of her beloved home a bruise that hid beneath her skin's outer layer. The sun hid behind a wall of grey and white, but still its light was overwhelmingly intrusive. She squinted as she made her way up the narrow path to the drawbridge.

The castle looked so bleak, so overtaken. In the past, returning home from any journey always soothed a part of her soul—rejuvenated her. But as she set foot on the stone floor now, she felt like a stranger: a trespasser who had cheaply exchanged her modest peasant life for that of a shallow princess. Slowly, she climbed the grand stairwell, holding onto the wooden bannister for support as she carefully scaled each step, every one an arduous task. Nessie told her it would be a quick recovery after giving birth, but for some reason this did not prove true for Eirainna. Perhaps it was because she had not willed herself to recover. Even that lingering fatigue, the postpartum illness was evidence that she was a mother. Every fiber of muscle in her abdomen still hurt, but it was nothing compared to the aching in her heart. It was as though she was carrying an enormous stone boulder that pressed down on her chest with each breath she let escape. She wondered how many days, months, years it would take to recover from giving her away. She wondered how long she could last knowing there would never be a day she would not be haunted by the image of her precious child being carried off into the black night. If she were to fall down the stairs now and break her neck, everyone would think it was an accident. She closed her eyes, each finger slowly and unconsciously releasing its firm grasp on the bannister.

            "Milady, you've returned," came a garishly joyous voice. Sir Niall had just come around the corner and stood smiling at her from the top of the staircase. Eirainna exhaled as she gripped the railing with declarative strength once more. She was surprised that she was thankful because of his chance presence, which halted the act. 

            "Sir Niall," she breathed, wearily, unable to say anything else before he rushed to her side to her assistance. Of course he could not know how offensive and inappropriate his happiness was.

            "You must be exhausted from your journey," he said, pleasantly, taking her by the arm to help her with the remaining steps. She felt ridiculous, being so young and needing help just to make it to the top of the stairs. If only he knew that she was weak from bringing a child into this world, she thought. If he only knew how exhausted she really was and on how many levels.

            "Was your mission successful?"

            "Oh, well, we began to build the orphanage and were doing quite well, but nearly all of the villagers evacuated, so unfortunately, there were no more children left to provide a shelter for," she sighed, clutching the bannister with each agonizing step, "still, we have started something to possibly revisit later, when the people can safely return to the village again."

            "Yes, you have taken a step on the road to helping those children. You must see it that way," he encouraged her, noting to himself with curiosity her dependence on his arm.

            "I only hope they have found shelter elsewhere for the time being. It is no longer safe to stay in the village; that is why I have returned earlier than I originally planned. I didn't have much of a choice."

            "Well, we are glad to have you back anyway, Milady. And I still admire your efforts."

            "Thank you," she said, her head lowered in shame as they reached the top landing together. When she did look up at him, Niall noticed a distance in her eyes that was not there before. It was a small and almost indiscernible change to the unobservant eye, but it was there, nonetheless. He could not begin to guess what had brought this on, of course, but he knew in some capacity that the woman who had just returned to Tara was not the same one who left it. Simply, he smiled at her, knowing that she needed it.