I will lose it for you

Chapter 1

Monday 5th January

8am - Hello diary, I've decided to make you as a New Years revolution. It's better to tell you everything then some twats who just fuck everything in sight. It's my last year in Uni thank freakin god. Lets just say I'm not very popular. Speak to you later.

4:30pm - Diary, I don't know what to do anymore. I've been bullied ever since I can remember. Because of my condition. But I can't help it , what they do only makes things worse. I wish I could fuck them up so bad. I could cut off their balls and stick them in a museum. Uuughhh.

5pm - Just went to the loo. I sat their crying like an idiot. What else am I suppose do? Pretend I don't have feelings? Brb going to get some Ben and Jerrys.

5:10 pm- I'm halfway through the tub. What else am I suppose to do, whoops dropped some chocolate in the tub. There all bastards. They called me an ugly whore, and a stupid cow. If there's one I especially despise, it's Ian. Ian Bullock. He's just despicable. He throws his food at me and tells me to eat it. Why oh why oh why. But it does taste good. 

The phones ringing.

7pm - Oh my god I love my best friend. Well, my one and only friend that is. I've known him forever and he's the only one that's been accepting of my condition. I mean, he seen right through it and can see the real me, not someone who's judged. Going out with him now so happy.

P.s I have a major crush on this guy :) his names Cody Marks.

10pm - I had the most amazing night with Cody. He held my hand all the way to the restaurant and ohhh, I felt my hands tingle. Hell, even when he hugs me it turns me on, I want him so bad.

The food that we are was also absolutely gorge and I wish I had a bigger meal, even tho it was a supersize already. I don't care though, I absolutely adore food.

11pm - Well I'm about to go to bed diary. And guess what!?!?

Cody said that he loved spending time with me. I just stood there like omfg omfg! I love him so much. But he'd never love me back, and it hurts :(  

Night night diary!

Tuesday 6th of January

8:30am - Oh my god oh my god I'm so late for uni. I've only just stuck the bread in the toaster I can't go without food you know I can't, i just bought new jam aswell. The teachers are going to fucking kill me.

Why am I even fucking writing to you I'm late!! 

P.s I had a good dream about Cody!!

5pm - I sometimes wonder if its worth it anymore. I mean should I just give up? I don't know if I can handle it. I have my chocolate in my hand but even that's not making it feel any better. What am I suppose to do?

My tears fall and fall, and my heart breaks each time someone else says another comment. My body aches, my eyes stream and nose blocks up. It like everybody hates me! Do they. Will I be able to cope anymore?

7pm - well I've got through 2 packets of malteasers and 1 bottle of wine. I'm finally going to tell you what happened.

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I'm running into the classroom and I got their just before Mrs Clark did. Thank god for that.She would whip my ass.

As I sat down , the chair creaked , the legs bent but that was usual. I got passed a note. I wonder who's it from. I opened the note and my ears started to prick at the words.

'Why were you late, did the elevator brake down you ugly fat bitch'

Oh my god I hated these people.

I sat through the rest of the class unable to concentrate as my mind was whirring and my heart was hammering. My eyes were threatening to let the tears flow at any second now.

Thank god it's the end of the class.

As I Walked out of the first class all the populate started surrounding me.

"What you been doing fat face, oh wait let me guess stuffing your face with more fucking food ?"

"How and why do you even live"

"Go die you mingar"

Then they all started to push me roughly. I begged them to stop but no, they wouldn't. And one thing led to another and I ended up in a puddle.It was a brown pudle , i thought it was chocolate milkshake spilt on the floor , Stupidly I licked the floor to see if it was or not .  

Lets say it wasnt chocolate milkshake.

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Diary I had to walk around all day with dirty clothes, its hard enough ti walk but with dirty clothes it makes it even worse . I felt so low that I didn't stand up for myself. I just begged like a dog. Who even am I? Where the fuck is my courage?

Night night.

Friday 9th January

6am - Hi diary I can't sleep so I figured I'd write to you. I'm sorry for ignoring you. Wait , your a book why am I sorry?

Anyways now I'm getting exactly the opposite of what I was getting. Which I suppose is better and it makes me less stressed, so I eat less. But now everyone is ignoring me.

It doesn't really bother me if I'm honest, I'm actually quite glad that they do. It's better than being called names, because that I cannot handle.

It's just, I don't know, I hate the fact that people think low of me.That just makes me feel like getting on my kness and crying .

8am - Off to hell hole now talk later hope my day isn't too bad... Wish me luck.

5pm - Diary, do you think the world hates me? Do you know what they did today?

They threw bloody chewing gum in my fucking hair. I hate to cut it out and I look really weird, and my hair that I grew out for 5 years is ruined. I just want to break down, scream and cry.

7pm - Oh my god oh my god peanut butter sandwiches are the best. They make me feel so good. They are orgasmic. I feel happier when I eat, it makes me smile. But then again so did Cody today. He told me not to worry and helped me with my hair. He kissed my cheeks and said I was beautiful no matter what.

Diary, I think I'm in love.

9:30 pm - I just made my self throw up. I promised myself that I would never so that... But I had to.

One of them has got my phone number. So you know what the sick bastard said.

'How's your hair you ugly fat turd'

I can't believe they made me sink so low.

10pm - Diary, I've been drinking but I've got a confession.

I, Hannah Smith, am a fat girl.

And Hungry ... 

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