The "Funny" Book

Speaking Easy

    I'm not antisocial; I just believe in the greater good. I could tell you that the world isn't ready for what I have to say or some bullshit mysterium like that; but no. I hereby vow to tell the truth and mostly the truth.

    When I am belligerently forced into conversation, I want to stab people. And thinking about stabbing those people makes me want to stab more people. Eventually, I tell my friends about how I want to stab people, and then they want to stab people on their own red list. Then, I realize that my friends are bloody nuts, and I get the urge to stab them out of self-defense. So in a state of paranoia and depression, I decide to listen to some music. Well, then Nickel Back comes on my Pandora and I've run out of skips so I get on YouTube, while simultaneously thinking of how much I want to stab people. So I get on YouTube, right? And what do you know. Politics. As far as my poor eyes can see. Not a Pewdiepie video in sight for miles. I'm pissed, so I leave a rant on a very publicized political video. People get pissed too and decide to stab people. Here's where I realize this is all my fault, so I feel really guilty and stab myself, but then I realize there's a better way; so I come back crow-style and stab those people for having stabbed the other people. But then I realize I just killed off the entire human race, and my duties are done so I go back to being stabbed.

    So, if I don't talk to you, I'm busy saving the world. You're welcome.