"Aaron, i'm sorry. I-i just don't wanna lie to you anymore. Pleas-"
He cut me off before I could even finish the 'sorry speech' i have prepared for him last night.
"A-are you b-breaking up with me, Corin?"
He sure didn't see this one coming.
We were outside our house. He was just supposed to kiss me good bye but then i decided to tell him these things.
I wanted to say 'no' because i know that leaving him would hurt so much. But if i stay, if i continue this lie, i know we would just end up hurting and hating each other.
I don't want that to happen.
I have learned to love Aaron in the span of 5 months that we've been together. Although it's not the kind of love he asks for.
"I think it would be best for us to be just friends, Aaron."
"W-wait. I I-i don't understand. So all this time that we've been together you've been lying to me? Are you saying that you never loved me?"
Now i can sense the pain in his voice. I can also see tears he's trying to hold back at the corner of his eyes.
Oh, i never wanted to see him in this kind of situation.
Im so sorry my dear, Aaron.
"I love you, Aaron. That, you have to believe. I do love you."
"Please, for once Corin, i want to hear the truth. Tell me everything."
I'm tugging my fingers as i started telling him everything. Careful that my words wont hurt him even more.
"I wasn't inlove with you the day i decided to be your girlfriend. I was.... inloved with someone else. But you see, he doesn't love me. So i thought that if i enter this relationship, soon i would fall for you. That one day i could actually love you back. And you know, i did. I did learn to love you. But... Only as a friend."
"You see, Corin, entering a relationship is being inlove with the other person not trying to fall inlove."
"I know. I know."
We were silent for a minute there.
I think we were both lost for words.
"I-i I-im sorry."
That's all i managed to say.
My voice cracked. My hands are trembling. And tears have started to roll down my cheeks.
He took a step closer and i thought he'll be screaming to me how insensitive I am to play with his feelings. But instead, he hugged me.
"Ssshh... Hush now, my love. You know i can't bear it when I see you crying"
I can now feel his tears touching my shoulders as he soothe my back.
I cried harder.
Why won't he just scream at me and be mad at me? Why does he have to be so kind and so understanding?
How can he still love me despite the things i've done?
Why can't i just love him instead? Why?
I don't want to hurt him anymore.
"Can you do me favor?"
He suddenly blurt out. I did not answer. Instead, I hugged him tighter.
"Will you not slip out of my life in just one instant? I might be insane if you do that. You said you love me.... As a friend. So can we atleast remain as friends? Please? Just that. Please."
And i heard the crack in his voice.
Now his begging.
My poor Aaron.
I released him from our hug and he did as well.
I held his innocent face between my two palms and looked intently in his eyes.
I saw fear. I saw pain. I saw longing. And this is all because of me.
I kissed him. Deep. Slow. And full of passion.
Then i rest my forehead on his as we both catch our breath.
"Of course, Aaron. We would still be friends. I don't want you out of my life either."
"I love you, babe."
"I love you too, Aaron"
An that's how our conversation ended.
I got in the house and luckily my parents were asleep already. I can spare myself from explaining my just-cried-too-swollen eyes.
Before i went to bed, i checked my phone if there's any message.
There's one.
From: Xyrille
Lunch tom. @ MOA. See you!
Xy is one of my girl bestfriends. She's part of 'the gang'
It's actually our summer vacation that's why we're free to go wherever we want.
Hmm.... I'm sure Aaron have received this text too. Eversince we became boyfriend and girlfriend he became part of the gang too.
He would probably pick me up tomorrow. That's our routine anyway.
But then I remembered. We broke up already. Would it still be the same? I know i assured that i won't be out of his life and that we would still be friends but surely we can't be the same anymore.
I don't want to lose Aaron. But i don't love him either. Am i too selfish already?
I think i've just made the situation even worse.
Before my crazy mind totally eat me up, my phone beeped.
From: Babe
Good night Corin. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for atleast still considering me as your friend. If it's okay with you, can we go together tomorrow for the lunch? Only if that's okay with you.
Aww. My sweet Aaron. I still can't stop asking how can he still be so greatful with what i have done?
To: Babe
Hmm... I was thinking... Maybe you could come and pick me up at 10? :)
From: Babe
I thought you were going to say 'no' :D Okay okay. 10 is great. See you! Good night! Have a good sleep.
'Have a good sleep' Hmm... That used to be 'i love you babe'
I realized.. The only way i could repay Aaron with all the kindness and love he's giving me is by never ever ever lying again. From now on I will tell him everything. With all honesty. Even if i think it would hurt him a bit, he deserves to know the truth.
And i'm starting it by renaming his contact from my phone.
To: Aaron
See you! Goodnight! And thank you! :) And i'm sorry :( And goodnight again! :D
Hmm... I must deal with all these tomorrow. For now, I need a good sleep.
