A Tainted Soul Is She...

Today: 6•6•18

Today I am 22. Another year of living. Another year or experiencing bittersweet feelings about my existence. My livelihood. My journey. Oh God, where are you trying to lead me to? These bittersweet emotions, why do they engulf me? Content to be awaken by the beautiful sun every morning, but sadden because the burden of my struggles. Sadden because I am in fear of becoming too complacent similar to other young lives in my hometown. Oh my, when am I going to break free from the overbearing obstacles that keep coming my way?

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Today I turned 22. A day of bittersweetness. Minimal celebration with a few glasses of wine. Notifications and comments from followers and friends on social media platforms. Relentlessly, filling out job applications for part-time employment. Feeling low because I am a recent college graduate but cannot land a minimum wage entry level position. My price should have went up, but it didn't. Feelings of worrying invades me because I keep thinking "What's next?" Jobless...on the verge of experiencing homelessness once again. Who am I kidding, I've been maneuvering through temporary places, locations, for most of my adolescence. I've been homeless for a while. Even my soul is without a home. My period of homelessness began when I become parentless. Does this adds to why I feel empty? Like I'm an unbroken puzzle that cannot find the missing pieces to fit? I'm sorry, but I've been broken for a long time. I am desperate to find peace. Happiness. My facades of happiness and joy are temporary. Merely acts. My anxious thoughts, they seem more permanent. When will I reach that permanent state of happiness? Maybe on my next birthday. Hopefully the feelings of bittersweetness are diminished.

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