Kermy is a horsey today! Yeah!
So obviously I go on my Facebook and Twitter a lot and I always ask you guys what you want to see from me and this week, everyone was like "Shark Week!" "Shark Week!" "You HAVE to make a Shark Week video!" And let me just remind you that I do not have to do shit! Just like everyone told me I HAVE to make a Harry Potter video, which I did, kind of, on my vlog channel. I have to do this, I have to do that. Mother fucker, I don't have to do anything! I was just asking for your suggestions. I'm not fucking Aladdin; I'm not here to make your wishes come true. That being said, I'm gonna make a Shark Week video. But it's not gonna be what you expected!
Now before I really start to piss people off, I like Shark Week as much as the next person. I'm not trying to take away from the spirit and awesomeness of Shark Week, okay? But I think we all just need to step back for a second, and think about what you're buying into.
First of all, Shark Week is fucking discriminatory towards other animals. I mean, yeah I get it, sharks are bad-ass. They fucking eat people and shit like that. But there's lots of other bad-ass animals that have mauled human-beings to death that don't get their own awesome week on the Discovery Channel. Where the fuck is Giant Anaconda Week? Giraffe Week? Panda Week? Poodle Week? And somebody please riddle me where the fuck Honey Badger Week is.
Somehow the Discovery Channel got everyone to buy into this over-hyped week about fucking sharks. But guess what? Sharks are here all the time! Not just one week, they're here all the time! If you really liked sharks as much as you say you do right now, you'd have a fucking shark tattoo on your face!
I can only imagine how pissed off someone that, like, actually studies sharks is. All of a sudden everyone's jumping on the shark band wagon on the Discovery Channel. If I was that person that studied sharks, I'd be like "Where were you at Christmas time? You didn't give a fuck about sharks then! No! You were busy opening up your fucking iPad and playing on it and being all fucking Christmas-y, and Hanukkah-y, Kwanzaa-y - whatever! You didn't give a fuck about sharks in the winter time!"
You need to be honest with yourself, most people don't even know when Shark Week is until it's here, and everyone's fucking all over the Internet about it, all fucking excited. Fucking ape shit for sharks! Shark shit! And I feel like I'm the only one taking fucking crazy pills over here. It's like every time I sit down and watch Shark Week I'm like "Wow. I already knew all of this shit from fucking Shark Week last year, and Shark Week the year before. This shit's been around since 1987! I'm pretty sure I've seen a lot of these clips, like over and over again, my whole life!"
All I'm trying to get you to realize, if you haven't already, is that you've just bought into a over-hyped week on television.
I mean, I think most of us see Shark Week for what it is and we're just being festive about sharks, but there is that select few people, and by select, I mean a lot of fucking people who just need to get the fuck over it! Like the type of people who would buy into any fucking week. Like Man-pon Week. Man Tampon Week. Nothing but TV shows about man tampons. They're deadly. Toxic shock syndrome for twenty-something years: "Man-pon Week! Whee!" See what I'm saying?
I think we can all enjoy Shark Week but I think people just need to take it down a knotch and ask yourself "Do I really like Shark Week? Or do I like it because I'm being told to like it?"
If we all cared so much about something that actually meant something to the world, we could do some fucking crazy shit, just put that shit into perspective!
Now that I've gotten that off my chest, maybe, hopefully, someone out there realized how easy it is to brainwash you into thinking that you need to watch this show. We can all enjoy Shark Week for what it is. We're supposed to gain respect and understanding towards sharks and just have a fucking grand old time.
And now I'm going to leave you with something fun that you can do for the rest of Shark Week. The Shark Week drinking game that I invented just now consists of 3 rules. First rule is drink every time you see a shark. Second rule is drink every time there's someone talking about a shark. Third rule is every time there's a seal, or a penguin, or a bird, or a human, something that's a shark-y snack, you make out with the person next to you. I guarantee you, if you play this game, you will get pregnant or will impregnate someone. Jenna Marbles making Shark Week babies! Then maybe Shark Week will actually mean something to you. The conception of your child.
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