Beautifully Broken

Lyra

my mother always told me that my hair was a blessing.

she always used to say I was born backwards, and that made me wiser, and white hair wasn't that bad was it? my dad always used to tell me to be thankful I wasn't ginger.

Before dad changed and mother started her studies in Iceland, my hair was the least of our problems. But I promised that I wouldn't talk about what happened, and I wont. 

Because now I have my own problems, one of them being the fact Im in Scotland, in my brand new apartment, with no money, (or bedsheets) and Jacob just drank all the shitting milk.

Jacob and i have been together for two years now, and he is the only thing keeping me sane. The idea is to start this year with a new place, a new art school, and the same Jacob.

I try to document all of this onto my blog which I promised mom I would keep, but im interrupted by a pair of lips kissing up and down my collarbones.

Speaking of Jacob, I laugh to myself before turning to face the beautiful male creature who is currently tracing circles on my neck.

I turn to him and smile at his green eyes and pink lips, I giggle at him before speaking, "Jacob I seriously think you have like the opposite of personal space issues"

He pouts at me before moving his hand to my thigh, he makes a noise at the back of his throat that sets the hairs on my arms upright, he reaches his index finger up to my lips to stop me from making a remark, "Come on Ly, stop acting like you don't love it"

By this point, im ready to burst and the sexual frustration between us is swirling around the room, creating patterns.

The last thing my mom told me was that i couldn't be nervous, and to "always be certain". I remember our last fond conversation with a short sad smile and feel a boost of confidence. I smirk at Jacob before melting my lips against his roughly, he seems shocked for some reason, maybe because although we have kissed, its always been sweet and soft, this is needy and quick and harsh and i love it, but he still kisses me back, harder than he usually does though.

I turn us around so that his body is positioned between my legs, still kissing him deeply as i run my hands everywhere, never getting enough Jacob, wanting more Jacob.

He seems to be enjoying my new found confidence, and he joins in by sliding his hands along my waist and using his fingers to slowly remove my turtleneck sweater. I moan slightly at the feeling of his hands on my bare skin and without realising I make a rocking motion with my hips. Realising what i am doing, i try to stop in fear that Jacob doesn't like it, but find his hands on my hips, encouraging me to go faster. I smile at him before removing his shirt in return, not wasting anytime at all, he slides his hands down my sweatpants and removes them from my tanned legs. I return his favour and we are there together, skin on skin, kissing, loving, and for the first time in my whole life, I understand what its like to be a horny teenager.

I get fed up waiting for Jacob and lower my hand to his boxers, he shivers at my touch and looks at me with a face of excitement, lust and pleasure, before managing to speak,

 "Lyra, are you sure?"

I nod, before helping his hands guide my underwear away from my body, he switches our positions so he is poised on top of me.

then we melted, together. And it really hurt, more than anything, for a few minutes all i wanted to do was cry.

But then it went away, and i felt this rush and i felt confident and beautiful and for the first time i felt like i deserved to have a love like Jacob's, and then somehow I gain control, and i am on top of him this time, and his hands are on my hips and my chest and my stomach and my hands are around his neck and in his hair and i want Jacob and i need Jacob, and i have Jacob.

After his release, i collapse on his chest, tired, but so fucking alive.

"Lyra??"

"Jacob??"

"I don't ever want to break you"

I smile at him, "I wont break you either"

And just before he falls asleep, he turns to me and says "I would let you snap me like a twig if it meant being close to you, Lyra Mae Stevens"

and then blank.

A/N A/N HI KIDS, ok so this is the beginning in which Lyra and her boyfriend had sex for the first time and i didn't want to make it smutty because i felt like it should be cute and shit, but there will be more and just wait for the FUCKING SEBASTIAN SCENES FUCK OK BYE