Connor's Confession

AN: My first how to get away with murder or coliver fic! I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. This is Connor trying to tell Oliver what he and the other members of the Keating Five did with Sam.

He's pacing.

He never used to pace, he never even used to get stressed.

Before he started law school, before he walked into Annalise Keating's lecture hall, Connor Walsh never had to stress about anything.

His family provided him money, a comfortable SUV, a quiet, persuasive word with a teacher or two when he'd stepped out of line in class, he had everything he ever needed for when he was set out into the big, bad world for university.

Everybody told him law school would be difficult and unbearably stressful, they were wrong, law school wasn't stressful, however knowing Annalise Keating was.

And knowing her, working for her was the reason why he was now pacing in the apartment he shared with his adorable, geeky, insecure, god damn perfect boyfriend ready to tell him everything.

Speaking of whom was sitting on the couch in front of him looking scarily concerned, anxious and Connor could tell by the way Oliver's eyes widened that he was afraid, terrified that Connor was in trouble, afraid, possibly-probably that Connor had messed up again.

And he had. Big time.

But what he had done was far worse than Oliver could ever imagine.

Connor ceased his pacing and stood still in front of his boyfriend, analysing the way he looked right now, love, worry and fear in his eyes. Connor did everything he could to memorise how Oliver Hampton looked this second, how he looked when he still loved him.

Before he found out what it really was Connor had done.

Connor swallowed and took a deep breath,

"I love you."

Oliver narrowed his eyes, smiled slightly and tilted his head in confusion, "I love you too-"

"No, you..." Connor let out a shaky breath, feeling the panic rise in his throat, his hands shaking and sweating. Feeling every bit as broken and scared as he had the night he ran here, ran to Oliver to escape what he had done. That unforgivable, haunting night, he ran as fast as he could to this beautiful boy who managed to turn his whole world upside down with a dorky giggle, glasses, ridiculously bad comebacks and a heart made of gold. "You don't understand. I mean it."

Oliver raised an eyebrow but Connor kept going, knowing if he didn't get all his feelings out now that he never would.

"I love you, like a lot" Connor half laughed, half scoffed "I never...I didn't want this, I didn't want to feel this way...about you, about anyone but you...dammit you were just so perfect and kind and so good and I...I screwed it up. And maybe it was for the best because you deserve so much better than some," Connor swallowed "self-absorbed, pretty boy who cheated on you."

Oliver frowned, "Are you-"

"But I was selfish." Connor interrupted hastily, "I couldn't get you out of my god damn head. And I came back. I...I came to you when I shouldn't have. Because you don't need my problems, you don't have to deal with what...what I've done."

Oliver stood and gripped Connor's trembling hand in his, "Connor...Connor if you used again we can get through it."

The shaggy haired boy stared down at their entwined hands, doing anything to avoid looking at that face, knowing if he sees it, the tears threatening to spill from his eyes will fall uncontrollably and never stop. The contrast of their hands amused the spoilt, handsome man. Soft, gentle light brown hands clutched shaking, scarred, ghostly white ones. He squeezed Oliver's hand tightly, fearing what was to come, fearing it more than he had feared anything else before.

It had taken all the courage in him to talk to Oliver, months of backing out, of sleepless nights with the innocent man cuddled into him until this morning when he suddenly snapped. They were re-watching the Thorn Birds for the millionth time because Oliver insisted it was their movie and Connor secretly only watched it to see Oliver's face get all excited and adorable, when suddenly the guilt finally gave way and the second Oliver paused the movie to make popcorn, Connor stood up and informed the gentle, grinning Asian boy that they needed to talk, right away.

Connor wondered if they could just go back, if he could shake his head and put on that charming smirk he had perfected when he was sixteen, lie to Oliver and pretend this was all just about revealing to Oliver that he didn't like popcorn.

But he couldn't, he loved Oliver, he truly did and Oliver deserved the truth. Even if...if that meant bearing whatever consequences were to come.

Connor knew Oliver, he knew how responsible and level-headed he was. Connor knew that if, when he tells him the truth Oliver...well...he would do what any rational person would and probably go straight to the police.

His friends would kill him, possibly go to jail because of him, never ever forgive him but at that moment in time, feeling Oliver's warm hand against his, Connor found he just couldn't find it in him to care.

Finally working up the courage to look into the other's eyes, Connor took a deep breath and his revelation came out in nothing more than a whisper.

"I...I'm not a drug addict Ollie...I never have been."

His voice was so soft and broken that for a fraction of a second, Connor wasn't sure whether or not Oliver had heard him or not.

Then the hand that was once previously clutching his, loosened, before leaving his embrace completely.

Oliver Hampton's eyes turned from soft and loving to hurt, confused and to the emotion that tore Connor's heart in two all over again, betrayed.

AN: That's the first chapter! It will probably be a two shot fanfiction. Please give me feedback so I know if you like it or not to continue.

Thanks for reading

- xTeam Mockingjayx