Room 47 (Camren)

Chapter 12

You shift on the sofa you feel like you've sat on a million times before and look across at wide expectant eyes. They're not the eyes you're falling in love with but they are the caring eyes of Normani and you're in Room 47, which right now is almost the next best thing. You've been talking a while about your sexuality again but you've given short and vague answers, you still don't want to talk or think about it, in fact you think she's been doing most of the talking today. You're still in shock at what happened last night. Camila bared her soul to you and you got scared like a fucking child and ran back to Brad. Having sex with him was just...

"Lauren?"

Normani reels you out of your thoughts.

"You said you had intercourse with Brad, I asked you how it felt?"

"Oh," you breathe and you must've zoned out trying to find an answer. "It felt like...nothing" you say simply and shrug like you can't believe your own answer.

"Nothing?" she repeats.

"Yeah...nothing. I'm beginning to wonder if it always felt like nothing and I'm only now just realizing" you mumble completely lost in thought. Truth is, you've been walking around in a daze ever since yesterday. "It wasn't bad or good it just...was. I was desperate to get off and that's all I thought about, my mind was completely blank. I didn't think about Brad or even the woman I have feelings for"

Normani sighs and looks a little conflicted "Look Lauren, I know its Camila, OK?"

Your eyes feel like they're about to pop out your damn head and you just stare at her, feeling embarrassment and a sense of being caught creep up in your face.

She smiles reassuringly at you though, "she told me, in truth I think I was the only colleague she trusted the information with, I mean I don't agree with this whole situation at all, but I would never take further action against Camila, for several reasons that I wont get into. Anyway continue," she says, her soft voice doing nothing to calm your nerves.

"I...how...when did she-"

Normani raises a hand to silence you. "It's not really important is it? I know it's Camila, the only reason why I told you is so you stop saying 'that woman'" she smiles a little humorously at you.

"OK," you say and gulp, trying to push her knowing its Camila to the back of your mind. "I didn't feel anything, cause when Camila touches me, even just like...a little hand touch or something like that you know? I feel like I'm alive, and that simple touch does more to me than Brad ever does, even during sex. The level of feelings and intimacy just isn't there with Brad, it's like, its just sex. Everything is just sex and afterwards I just feel numb, like I don't want to cuddle up to him or do stuff with him, in my head I imagine waking up to Camila and I feel so high just thinking about it, I'd stay in her bed forever, I'd talk to her forever and I feel stupid for not realizing that I don't really feel that way about Brad. With Brad everything is so monotonous and the same, there's no high any more, I don't think there ever was"

You feel like you're having another epiphany and frankly you feel scared and vulnerable.

"I see," Normani says gently, "so you say you panicked at what Camila told you, what part specifically were you thinking about?"

"I don't know" you shrug and try to think; you really don't have the concentration right now. "When she described what being with me would be like I just...I was alarmed at how willingly I was about to drop my entire life for everything she just said. For a split second I was going to do it, I had already imagined packing and going over to Camila's place. I was so happy in that second"

"I see," Normani says again, "and that's when you went to the bar," she concludes.

You nod, having already told her the whole story.