Dear Mary...

The Start of It All

Dear mary,

I would like to begin by saying that i have the best family in the world and i would never ever want to hurt you and i know that with this job comes the responsibility of your feelings. I needed to do this. It wasn't because i needed pride it was because i needed to know that i was protecting you. I know it is hard that i won't be here anymore but please forgive me. I would give anything to get back to you. If you're reading this then you know that it was too late to do anything to change it. I don't want a big sad memorial. I would like a party and celebration in my honor. And mary please tell amy that i love her with all my heart. I will always look over you and love you for eternity. I will see you some day.

                                                                                                                                ,Love james

I rolled over in the bed. My head hurt like hell and i was almost ready to start banging it against the wall. I slowly sat up and dangled my feet over the edge. Out of routine i looked at the bed stand to see our family picture before i realized it was laying down. I quickly redirected my attention to the bathroom. I stood up and felt a sharp pain in my side. "Ugh!" I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were saggy and purple beneath. "Why me?" I thought. " i never did anything really bad. I have never killed anybody." I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I looked into my droors. "Sweatpant look good for today. Yeah and a t-shirt" i thought as i reach for the lose fitting pants and Hawks t-shirt. I walked lazily down the hallway to my daughter's room. She layed there so peacfully. I wanted so badly to crawl back into bed. I felt like i had no will to live anymore. I had her though. She had school and i wasnt just going to let her lay there and be late. "Amy. get up. You have school." I said softly to her.

"Ok. in a minute." She replied in a groggy voice.

I walked down the stairs to our living room. The tv was on from last night. I could hear james' voice saying,"turn that off before you burn down the house."

My eyes welled up with tears. I couldnt keep this up much longer. I know i had to be stong for Amy but it was hard. Amy walked down the stairs and kissed me goodbye before she walked out the front door to get on the bus.

I got in my car to go to the store. We were out of milk and i couldnt atemp to make dinner without milk. Our neihborhood had the logest road ever to get ou. He used to complain and joke with me about everytime we left the house. I missed his teasing about how i didnt know how to pick a house. When i pulled into the parking lot to the grocery store i saw an old college friend. I wanted to say hello but something made me an introvert for a moment and i walked acrss to the other car row. This howoever did not stop stacey from seeing me. "Mary. Hey Mary is that you?" She yelled across the row.

"Yes its me," i said half-heartedly.

" look i just want to say i am so sorry. James was a gret man. We all miss him."

" no crap sherlock. You generally miss someone when there dead!" I thought. This is not however what came out of my mouth." Well thank you stace. Tell ben i said hello."

" no prob." She replied.

after that i walked into the store and she walked out to her car. Publix was normally crawling with people shopping, but i suppose that on wednsdays there are alot of poeple at work. I should have been at work but i took a undefinint leave after i relized that i couldnt consetrate on work after james' death. I speedly walked to the back of the store to get milk and a pound of meat. I ran up to the cash register. I needed to get out of the store before someone else stopped me and wanted to console me. The lady who rang me up was not in a very good mood. It was very clear that she didnt want to be there working. She would rather have be at home watching tv being lazy like all the other people i this country who think they can ride on the back of all the good working people. I sat at home like all these people, But i still got paid. She handed me my bags without a have a good day or goodbye. Some people are so rude. That was one thing that James always wanted to change. "Mary people would have such an easier day if they were just nice."he used to say. He was so right though. Thought about this the whole time as i was putting up the groceries. I got into the car to begin my drive home. As i got in the car my phone went off. "Traffic jam on south Cobb parkway." Now this was the way i normally went. I was not happy in the least bit."ugh! What the hell? Why?"i yelled out in the car. I knew the only other way was down the opposite side of town. It would take me 15 minutes longer but i knew that would be less than if i went on south Cobb parkway so i made up my mind. I pulled out on to the road and i started going on my slow way home.the road was not busy but there were a few people on it.i pulled up to the red light that i needed to turn at. The light seemed to want to stay red forever. When it finally turned i didn't waste my time with looking to the side. I had the right of way so i didn't think anything of it. 3 second after i heard a loud hock there was an ear peircing sound of a crash and breaking glass.