Locked Sukata

1.Numb

           I felt numb, for after I struggled into six months,for after I lost my senses, for after I lost everything. This wasn't worth it,I knew I had to suffer more till I was left alone to fend for myself, to fall into laps of death. I tried to subdue the terror locked in myself, no matter how much I try I cannot run away from myself. I knew it from very beginning but still my heart was searching for the lost spring. Not a soul reasoned quietly with me, as my own mother used to do. Maybe that was the only hope that still kept me alive. I remember her perfect gentle caricature: fleshy red cheeks,small round eyes and her smiling heart shaped face. She looks like me, except with her deeper bluish eyes, still young and pretty in my own imagination. I was sure I found her face upset , her disapproval when we were forced apart.What possible sins could have pushed me to suffer lot, I didn't knew.                                                                                         

         Last fall I was brought to this place and was piloted to exile self-dependently in a white cell with no end, with no doors and windows. I never saw a door to this room, only heard sounds of different bells, which was never meant to me. A small bell was tapped- after about three weeks of my arrival-and the paramilitaries appeared from the missing white door which mingled with the wall every time whenever I tried to search for it. It took a couple of weeks to recover from sea-sickness. After which I started wrenching like a recalcitrant child for weeks and then went numb like a dead human body. It's 1stof April, mom's birthday and I'm hungry but I don't want to mug those medicines again, they make me helpless.