Desultory

chapter 1.

THIS TIME I'M READY TO RUN
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Running away hasn't always been all I've ever wanted, living in a minuscule apartment in Chicago city is not really what I desired, or was content with anymore. I would have been happy with it before, so long as I was with my family. The apartment my parents and I had lived in for most of our lives was cramped, dirty and I absolutely hated it. I used to love it; it was where my whole childhood took place in. But things started going wrong; and when things start to go seriously wrong, there's really nothing you can do to stop it. You just have to wait it out, hoping that the storm will pass and lightning won't strike and you won't drown.But the storm that had started in my family didn't stop, it wouldn't.

I wanted it to stop. I wanted him to stop. At this point in time, I was already 18, about to graduate from high school, but I just could not take it anymore. My only ticket out would be to get good grades and escape. Escape from this city and go somewhere else. I didn't care about who I was leaving, they didn't matter. I wanted to disappear, make everyone think that I never existed. I was thinking selfishly, but I had nothing to stay here for, nobody to live for and I so desperately wanted to find something or someone that made me feel alive again.

My mother was dying, my father was beyond hope. I knew that they no longer care for me as they used to but I didn't want to think about that, not right now. Not ever. I would very much like it if they stayed in the corner of my brain that I never ventured towards, and stay there forever. My hands were trembling. I held the envelope that contained the information which could make or break the rest of my life. It was also my ticket out of this... place. I closed my eyes and willed myself to stop shaking. There was a crash from what we called the living room, a glass bottle. My father was home; I didn't have much time. I took a deep breath and steeled myself. Slowly and carefully, I ripped the top of the envelope. The paper inside was pristine white, the name and crest of NYU at the top left-hand corner.

Dear Brooklyn James,

Congratulations! We are very much pleased to inform you that you are accepted into New York University under a scholarship. We have found great talent in you and thus we are accepting you into our prestigious college. We hope you do decide to accept our offer. The first semester starts in August. More information is enclosed in the other envelope that was mailed to you, please contact us by the end of this month should you wish to join us. It would be a pleasure to have you join us.

There are more words, more letters in the packet that came with the envelope but my vision is blurry and the shaking of my hands finally stops. The world stops. I'll finally be able to escape. In a long, long time, I was absolutely and truly happy. I had no idea what I was going to do, I only had a car, a college scholarship and a five hundred dollars of my own which I had spent the past three years saving up from paychecks and trips to the corner shop.

I was lacking a plan. Sure I was going to college but after that? But as the night turned into day, I realized I was leaving, and you didn't need a plan to leave, you just left.

My mother passed on a week before I was going to leave for New York. No one came to the wake or the funeral. Not even my own father, her husband, who was lying in bed hungover. My mother had been bedridden due to her leukaemia, she refused to go to the doctor, and my father refused to take her to the doctor. His excuse was that we were short on money. I didn't believe him, why should I? When he gambled away all of his money, along with my mother's and sometimes mine as well? I sat in the church by myself in front of the casket, a few more minutes and they would come to take the coffin outside and bury it. I forced myself to breathe normally, shakily I got to my feet and walked to the open coffin and peered down into my mother's lifeless face.