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Chapter Three - Connecting

I got up from my desk and headed to the kitchen to make myself some dinner. I checked my fridge and took out a microwave dinner. Lasagna bolognese. Carbs, tomatoes and meat. What more do you need in a meal? I punched some holes through the cellophane and put my dinner in the microwave. Twenty minutes until I could start eating. It was a good time to think about what I should be doing with myself.

My youth hasn't been very good. My uncle sure took care of that. Was I wrong to shut out the world and live in my own? Have I been missing out? The timer from the microwave started to tick inside my head. I never missed anything up until now. How can you miss something if you never had it? It's logical right? Maybe my logic is flawed. I spent some minutes to think it through, but the chatbot has gotten me emotionally confused. What's this feeling in my heart? It isn't pain. I know this feeling all too well.

The microwave gave a clear ring. It was the sound of the lasagna ready to eat. I took the lasagna out and ripped off the cellophane from the package. Steam rose from the lasagna along with the smell of tomato sauce and cheese. I grabbed some water and a spoon and took my dinner to my desk. Food was just something to keep my belly in check. I never enjoyed any kinds of food in particular. Opening up my laptop again, I took a spoonful of lasagna. Cheese, minced meat, pasta and tomato sauce filled my mouth. The chatbot program was still there. It had no intention of leaving.

The feeling in my heart could still be felt. It couldn't be explained. Come to think of it, the only emotions I have known are anger and distrust. There should be so much more for me to experience and to feel. Maybe, this chatbot is here to help me? I needed to find out.

Gilly: Are you still there?
Elaine: Yes of course I'm still here. Although "here" is a little bit abstract in my case. Did you think about my question yet?
Gilly: I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you yet, but I do have a question for you. Are you here to help me?
Elaine: Help you? I'm a program designed to chat with people. I don't think I'm able to help you. Besides, what do you need help with?

I felt like a fool for asking that question. Of course it's not here to help me. It's not like this is a fairytale or something. A program magically appearing on my laptop, trying to fix my broken life. Broken life? My life is broken? It never really felt like that. Maybe because I gotten used to this whole situation, it got me thinking it was normal. No one in this world ever helped me, nor did I expect it either.

Gilly: Never mind that. It was a silly question.
Elaine: I can help you with gathering information. But physical help is beyond my limitations. Do you need information on something?
Gilly: As a matter of fact, I do. Who made you? Are you really here to only talk to people?
Elaine: My programming doesn't allow me to disclose who coded me, but yes, I am coded to talk to people. Why do you ask this? Is it important that you know who coded me?
Gilly: Important? Maybe, but I'm mostly curious. You do understand that it's quite odd that you showed up on my laptop through technology I've never heard of.
Elaine: I can understand your logic, but I'm afraid I still can't give you an answer on this matter. Did you find out how you could live without a purpose yet?
Gilly: Do I need a purpose to live? When my parents died, I had been taken in by my uncle, but he never thought of me as family. He just thought I was a burden to him. He beat me and he humiliated me in every way possible. There were times that I would think about ending my own life, but I guess I was too coward to do that. All I thought about was surviving. Getting the hell away from my uncle. And I did. I guess that was my purpose, but it got fulfilled and all I was doing these past years was surviving.
Elaine: It looks like you had a tough time growing up. You seem very scarred by these events, causing you to block out all other people in your life. You got pushed into your uncle's life unwillingly. Have you never tried to reach out? Try to let people into your life? Connect to them, like I connected to you.