Bitter Sweet Life

Thirty three

Thirty three

It had been two weeks since that night happened. James Walker was announced dead at 3:15 am on that day. He had multiple bruises and two bullets shot in his stomach and shoulder. Do I sympathize his death? If you ask me on that day, I would say no. But, as two weeks had pass and I thought deeply about it. I did feel bad for him. He only wanted to be accepted, to be appreciated and love. He was blinded by jealousy and greed; thus, he couldn’t see the love that people gave to him. I respected him, and I still do. He did took us under his wing and gave us a life far better than anyone. I just felt bad that he couldn’t let the past go and move on.

Nick’s surgery went well, it took them seven hours to get the bullet out of his shoulder. Though his left hand was immobile for awhile, he was healthy as before. And, while he was in the hospital, I was always there, everyday to visit him. Even though we still bicker from time to time, our relationship is somehow different. I didn’t tell him yet about how I feel, and he didn’t make a move or asked me about it.

Today, I’m meeting Rob for lunch at the pizzeria where we first met. Today, I’m going to settle my feelings and tell him the truth.

“Rob, I know this isn’t fair to you… and I know it is selfish of me too…” I started, mumbling.

We already finished our meal when I finally had the courage to break it to him.

“Nat. You don’t have to be nervous or tell me about it. I already know…” he interjected, giving me a soft smile.

“No. Rob… I think you have the right to know this… And, I really need to get this out of my system.” I stated, almost pleadingly. “Rob, you made me realize things about myself that I thought have died that night when my brother died. You made me alive again, you made me feel like things weren’t as bad as it was. And, I am grateful for that…” I started.

“But, you chose Nick.” He interjected, staring at me intently.

I wanted to look away from his gaze. The guilt was eating me up inside. Rob didn’t deserve to get his heart broken, he doesn’t deserve me; and, that also goes for Nick.

“Rob, I’m going away, for awhile. I wanted to tell you first since you were always there for me. I want to take a break on all of this, to have a moment to myself.” I finally tell him the truth of our meeting.

“Wait? What?” he asked, confused and shocked crossed his face. “You’re leaving? Like now?” he added.

“No, not now. Maybe after a week when he gets out of the hospital…” I replied, my voice almost soft as a whisper.

“So, you’re just going to run away again…” he stated, his voice stern and serious.

“No! I’m not running away. I just want some space…” I stated angrily, slightly pissed about his assumptions.

“Really? Are you so sure about that? You know, Natalie, you should face your problems head on. You shouldn’t be afraid of hurting people or bothering them. Tell them how you truly feel, you owe the people that love you THAT.” He said and stood up from his seat. “You should be more open after everything that happened.” He added lastly and left money on the table for the bill, and then walk away, leaving me alone in the table, dumbfounded.