Changed // jikook

nineteen (last)

Jungkook: unsent letter to Jimin

Dear Jimin,

I know you would question so many things about the purpose of this letter, but please continue reading.

There are too many thoughts in my head that I just haven't told you, I would like to express them on paper to sort out my ideas toward you and make you aware of them. I guess that would be the purpose of this letter.

Should I start with our first encounter? It was a unique one, but it was my favorite one. Although, I was hesitant to your little origami note at first, I find it absolutely adorable and creative. I don't think I told you, you were the first person I actually opened up to in my life. I wasn't sure what it was that made me trust, because that was something I could never see myself doing. But god, you made it so easy to put my heart into your hands, and even now I don't regret it.

It took me long enough to realize that I had in fact fell for you. I fell for everything about you, your gorgeous smile, your sweet voice, and your flawless artwork. I could go on forever about everything I found in you that was completely perfect in every aspect.

All we had together was amazing, up until the moment I messed it up. I still think to this day that maybe if I weren't too careless, we would be together. Remember when I became distant? It was my own fault, I simply forgot, and I let the rest of my life get in the way. I know you didn't want to hurt me so you only did what you thought I wished for but, oh no, I wanted the exact opposite.

I'm sorry I'm so awkward and shy all the time. I don't know how to talk to someone so beautiful while I'm just imperfect. You always seemed so carefree and happy about life and I wished to be like that ever since I met you. But I've always been uptight and cared too much about things that didn't matter. I'm learning though, you definitely helped me so thank you so much.

After I let my own self-consciousness get in the way, we were distant, but I decided to go to your party anyway. To be honest I constantly felt this feeling of anxiety that time was running out, and I couldn't realize what it was until after I left that party.

I regretted so much during our little time, but one of those times that stuck out was never saying goodbye at that party, because I didn't realize that was supposed to be our last goodbye. Ever since then I contemplated whether you stopped talking to me because you hated me, loved me, or forgot me.

Everything, it was a lot to process in the mind. I decided that I thought too much. Over the summer, the thoughts slowly stopped haunting me. They stopped up until the moment I saw Hoseok, then every memory we had together came rushing back like a bullet train. After that, I wasn't sure I could get up and walk by the same cafe where we went on dates, then sit in the same classroom we used to have together, and talk to all of your friends. All things, places, and people were just painful reminders of your absence.

It makes me wonder, are you suffering? Did you suffer at all? What went through your mind when we stopped all contact with each other? Because I feel like I'm in a living hell and I don't want you to know what that's like. But, I can imagine you today, I do that a lot, and I picture you being successful in your dream school and making tons of friends, because you're good at that, and being the carefree, happy Jimin I know.

And if I took anything from our little time together, it would be that you changed me, and I don't regret it one bit, no matter how much pain I'm in. You caused me the greatest happiness in my life and opened me up for the first time in my whole nineteen years of living.

I can't thank you enough, and I hope you're okay now, and I love you.

Love,

Jeon Jungkook