May I?

Let It All Go

Blaine made it back safely to the Hudmel home with a numb mind as he went to Kurt's room and grabbed some pajamas and a towel before he just shuffled in the bathroom and turned the shower on. What started as a normal shower turned into a crying fest as Blaine just sat in the bathtub as the shower water hit him. He sobbed out loudly, holding his face in his hand as the tears mixed with the water. The sobs pained him in the chest but he didn't care because he could really let out how he felt. He felt like a failure, a huge failure. He failed Kurt. He failed their families. He failed Finn and he failed his baby girl. The sight of her tiny still body flashed before his eyes and broken screams echoed in the bathroom and around the house as he placed a hand over his heart as each one erupted. He soon fell silent and just lied there, sobbing in his hand. Eventually he got out and dried off, dressing with time and headed downstairs. He could only imagine how Kurt was feeling on top of the fact that Rachel sent them a onesie without knowing or thinking of knowing how it would make them feel. He had asked Puck what else was in there and he said a book about getting back into the swing of things which Puck had left at the Hudmel house.

Blaine saw the book and fumed before picking it up and threw it at a wall. Burt had just come in when the book hit the wall and saw how broken and angry Blaine looked before Blaine slid down the wall he was opposite at and sobbed in his arms. It was then that Burt's heart broke. He sent a text to Carole to come check on Blaine before he quietly left back out and headed for the hospital to check on his son. He checked in with the nurses and headed to Kurt's room. He knocked and walked in, his face falling as Kurt too was as broken as Blaine but only worse. His eyes were red and puffy, his face was so red, tiny whimpers left his lips sometimes and he was lying on his side, just staring at the wall. He adjusted his cap and walked in. Kurt turned his head to look at his dad and wordlessly opened his arms. Burt came over and took Kurt carefully into his arms. No words needed to be said because what can you say to someone who lost their baby except-.

"You're going to be okay Kurt."

Carole immediately left work when she got Burt's text and headed for home. What she found for herself was Blaine covered up to the neck staring at a sonogram and sniffling. She put her bag down and walked over softly, sitting on the couch next to him and wrapped her arms around Blaine. Blaine shook and closed his eyes. Neither she or him had anything to say except for-.

"You're going to be okay Blaine."

It was a few weeks but Blaine finally went back to McKinley at his reluctance and Kurt's insistence. He wanted to be by Kurt's side but Kurt insisted that he go back and that he could visit and stay after school. His parents and Burt and Carole agreed with this not only education wise but also for the Glee Club members who didn't understand that Kurt didn't want to see anyone or hear that he just needed to get into the swing of things again or whatever fucked up excuses they would say. Mistake number 1 was going through with the plan and going to McKinley with Puck and Finn when really he'd rather be at the hospital. Mistake number 2 was thinking he could handle walking through the halls when all he could think about was a stretcher rolling through the halls with a bleeding unconscious Kurt on it. He didn't know what happened in between his thoughts but he found himself in an empty hallway, kicking at his locker. This isn't right. He shouldn't be here. He doesn't want to be here. He wants to be near Kurt. He wants to be by Kurt.

Kurt: Hey.

When the sound of Blaine's phone went off, he immediately pulled out his phone and sat on the floor, reading the message.

Kurt: If I know you like I know I do then something is telling me that you would rather be here then there.

Blaine: You guessed it. I miss you.

Kurt: I miss you too.

Blaine: Can't I just come to you and do this next week?

Kurt: That's what you said last week. What's really the problem?

Blaine: I don't want to go and hear their pity and questions and I definitely don't want to hear how we need to try and get into the swing of things.

Kurt: B, breathe. It's alright. I understand. I've been ignoring Rachel's texts.

Blaine: How are you feeling? Any pain?

Kurt: No, they gave me another dosage and I just met again with the therapist.

Blaine: Nightmares?

Kurt: Quinn's been helping with that. I'm okay Blaine. What about you?

Blaine: My toe hurts a little. Kicked my locker. Missing you. Missing how things used to be.

Kurt: I do too. Everyday.

Blaine leaned his head back and exhaled heavily. When does it get easier? He asked mentally.

Blaine: Screw this. Screw school.

Kurt: Blaine.

Blaine: I hate this place so fucking much. Mistake number one was thinking I could just walk in here and be okay but I'm not. All I keep seeing is that stretcher and you and people are talking about how the gym is closed because the school homo had a baby and the jocks make jokes out of it and I really want to kick that entire table's ass but I can't because Finn and Puck hold me back and-

Blaine was cut off in the middle of his rant by Kurt calling and he swiped to answer before pressing the phone to his ear. He immediately felt bad when he heard Kurt's tiny sob. He hung his head in shame and Kurt finally spoke.

"You think I don't feel just as bad because I do. It kills me, Blaine. It KILLS me that we lost her but its neither of our faults. We have to stop this Blaine. YOU need to stop Blaine. Stop and breathe before you hurt yourself. You're not alone B. I wanna hurt them too but I can't lose you too."

Blaine wiped his eyes and sighs.

"You're right. I'm sorry Kurt. I just hate being away from you. It doesn't feel right." Blaine choked out.

"Shh honey I know. You gotta believe me when I say that I wish you were here but-"

"But one of us has to hold up the front and tell our friends the news. You sure that's what you want?" Blaine finished for Kurt.

"I've been talking about it with Dr. Flemming and she suggested that we at least take it step by step. Our families know and so do Finn, Puck, Santana and Quinn but not the others. They should know. I know it won't change things a lot but I wanna at least try."

"Okay I get it and I'll call you as soon as they know. I love you so much Kurt."

"I love you too Blaine. Stay strong for me alright. A guy I know used to tell me to have courage."

Blaine chuckled and smiled. "Sounds like a pretty smart guy. Found out he's pretty lucky and met an amazing guy that he loves a lot."

"I love him too." Kurt said sweetly.

"I have to go. Gotta make it to some classes before everyone chews me out. I'll call you and come see you after Glee?"

"I'll be here in bed waiting for the love of my life to come sit vigil by my bedside."

"Alright alright I get it. I'll bring a cheesecake from Breadstix."

"Yes!!! I've been dreaming about it for weeks." Kurt laughed and Blaine could tell it was wholehearted and that made him happy as he stood up. It had been a rough few weeks for the both of them but he felt like maybe things would be alright now in time.

"I gotta go now but I love you so so much and I'm really glad that you're hanging on in there. I'm so proud of you Kurt."

"Thanks. I couldn't have done it without you. Now go before you're even more late. I see you later okay?"

"Bye Kurt. I love you."

"I love you too."

They hung up and Blaine took a moment to breathe before he finally headed to his next class. Finn noticed his change and patted him on the back, giving him a proud smile.