A Collection of Poems and Short Stories

Sounds in the Silence

The darkness that swirls around him was drowning him, filling his nose, eyes, and mouth with its thick black bitter taste. He could see nothing, but he could hear. He could hear the voices that swirl in his head, each trying to drown out  others. It was defending.

They screamed at him to do things he knew were wrong, but how could he resist. One voice spoke of everything he had done wrong in his life. All the things he had endured and all the things he could have kept from happening. The death-no, murder- of the girl he loved as a sister and possibly more. The death of the man that has caused him so much pain in the past. The countless girlfriends that had cheated on him. The pain of his friend and family. So much he could have stopped, but was too weak to do so. The voice screamed at him, blaming him for every thing that had ever happened to cause someone pain.

One of the other voices screamed at him, telling him to end his life to keep from hurting anyone else. Telling him that deaths quick release was the only way any of it would end. A single rope. A single knife. A single fall would end it all.

One voice, hidden by the others, told him to protect those he loved. To remain in the world of the living and do what he could to protect, help, serve and love. A single voice, unable to scream louder than the others, telling him the reasons to remain. Some times, just sometimes, it would reach through the darkness and keep him from hearing the others.

A voice that remained hidden most days would rise from its slumber and tell him he was no more than an animal. No more than instinct. Unable to feel emotions. Unable to be human. So persuading was this voice, that when it would rise he would believe it. He would believe that he lacked a soul. That he was an empty vessel driven by instinct alone. He refused to believe that he could feel. That he was human.

So close he had come to doing the unthinkable. To ending the pain and finally ridding himself of the voices within. What did he have to live for any more? Why would anyone care? He was nothing. No more than a man that had done more harm than good. He was incapable of love. Incapable of feeling true happiness.

Perhaps one day, he would fall prey to the will of the voices inside his mind, but for now he would continue on as if he wasn't drowning in the darkness. He would put his mask in place and walk through the world that had caused him so much pain. For now, he would be the wolf in the sheep skin, acting as if nothing was wrong. As if he was not lost in the darkness. No one would see past his lies. No one would know. He would suffer in silence as the voices in his mind raged and screamed at him.

His silence was defending noise.