I'm Rose

reality

I know I'm not perfect, so I'm not going to try and act like some great magical person that you should all bow down and worship to me. If I can't even find one good thing about myself I don't expect other people to either. I guess you could say I'm mental, whatever works for you, but I don't see the purpose of my life. I'm 17 and have never felt real emotions. I've never been in love nor will I ever, I've never been so happy that all I could do was smile, and I've never cried my eyes out over problems. I mean I cry but not excessively. However this does not mean that I'm as you would say "goth and creepy" I'm a totally normal girl that just doesn't want to live, who's tired of waking up every morning looking at the same old 4 walls. My life is never changing, even when I move out and go to college and move into a house of my own the idea is still the same. Just because it's a different 4 walls doesn't mean what happens after that is going to change. Sure I won't have to force my 12 year old step sister out of the bathroom with her pounds of makeup, but I'm still going to go to a day activity weather it's school, or a job it's constant not changing. My whole life is unworthy, I wish I could give it to someone who actually needed it like a cancer patient, or an old guy who isn't ready to give up yet, but no I'm stuck with it!

I've never known my mother she left a long time ago when I was really young that's the what my dad says, so my dad remarried this bitch named Ellen. The had a daughter together and she's a little brat named Sadie. My two older brother are my best friends on this planet, they are twins and they just went to college. Drew, James, and I have always done everything together so them being gone is super hard on me. My dad barely notices my existence, the bitch only talks to me when she needs dishes to be cleaned, and the brat... I only notice when she steals my clothes what a little bitch.

Boys at school I guess think of me as the forbidden girl... whatever, not my problem I really don't want to spend my life dreaming about guys noticing me cause it's pretty dumb. I'm really kinda just a loner in that department.

My best friend is a flaming homosexual he is the funniest person I have ever met. We are very similar but very different all the same. His name is Noah, I know I can trust him with my life. He is all about having sex and defines guys as "yummy" and he always is telling me to go for people but I don't really want to. My other best friend Maggie is also all about sex and dating, we've all been super close since eighth grade, and ever since then we've been inseperable. They find my dark personaillty as a phase, but they know it's not they just don't know how to handle it.

Me personaly, I would say i'm not an ugly girl just an unnoticed girl. The world just doesn't notice me, which i'm very fine with considerinig how pathetic it would be to watch someone like me, struggling to find happiness. I'm trying I really am I just dont know what it is like to be truley happy.