I'm Rose

thursday nights

So most teenagers on Thursday nights they just watch tv or do homework or hang out with friends, but I go to support group! I go because I feel guilty for not wanting my life and they're fighting to keep their lives so I help out and talk to them. I've actually meet some pretty cool people.
      I just get really uncomfortable when someone that went to the group does die, and mostly everyone who was close with them is in tears and sobbing. I remember when one of the girls, named Bri died and I guess she was a favorite of the group because everyone was crying I went to talk to one of the girls I was "close with" and she was crying and telling her that she was gonna be okay and things of that nature when she looked up at me and said, "have you ever lost someone one so close to you? like a best friend?"
"Yes", I lied.
she was silent for a few minutes with short sobs in between the silence before she spoke again, "does the crying stop?"
I looked at her and I knew I couldn't tell her that I didn't cry well at least not now, so I went with, "yes in time your tears will dry up, but for now let them flow it helps,"
Her face showed signs of relief. I was glad that I could ease her pain even if I wasn't sure if it was true or not, but at least it helped.

As I drive to the church on this fine Thursday afternoon I wonder what it feels like to miss someone, what it feels like to love someone. I don't ever remember having these feelings even when my life was fine, but right now my life is far from fine and I doubt it will ever be fine again.
As I pull into a spot at the back of the parking lot, I look up and see an incredibly attractive young man stumbling out of a big Ford truck. He looked in my direction and smiled. I wonder who he is, and what he's doing here.
        Inside the church I sit in my usual seat in the back for introductions so they can meet each other if anyone is new and then I'm introduced as 'miss Rose your helpful friend' I guess whatever helps them sleep at night.
       I looked around the room for that guy that I saw getting out of the truck but I didn't see him anywhere, oh I guess he was just doing something eles here.
As the night starts as usual as ever they go around the circle and talk about 'updates' doctors appointments and such when all of a sudden the metal door in the back of the room creeks open. There standing in the doorway with a playful look plastered on his face is the guy who smiled at me in the parking lot.
"Sorry to interrupt, but is this the cancer support group?"
"Yes it is please join us!" the leader told him.
"Ahh sweet!"
He took the empty seat that was right in front of me and smiled as he sat down. Was he smiling at me? Why thats weird what is your problem bro?
"What's your name? and what kind of cancer or illness do you have?"
"I'm Jonah, and I have bone cancer!"
His voice was so confident, he does realize that having cancer could easily lead to death right? why is he so freaking cheerful about this? Okay I've come to the conclusion that this kid is just straight up weird!
           The night carries on as usual I observe everyone interacting, when the voice that I recognize as Jonah's gives me a slight playful shove as he says hello, I look to my right and discover a guy with sun-kissed skin, shaggy blonde hair, and a big bright smile. He was very good looking, I'm not going to lie. I was very confused as to why he was talking to me.
           "hi,"
         "so what's your name? I don't hear you introduce yourself in the circle,"
         "oh I'm Rose"
         "like the flower?"
           "um yeah... like the... the flower,"
       He laughed, his laugh was almost like a drug it seemed almost addictive but the thought of me with a guy made me doubtful.
        "What 'illness' do you have?" he asked with a chuckle and flashed a smile.
"I actually don't have an 'illness' I just like to help out. "
He looked at me doubtfully, "sure, yeah thats it,"
"What it is!" I started laughing now.
"I'm just saying it's weird," he started laughing with me now.
          "well I'm sorry that I feel bad,"
         "yeah so what were sick kids were all good,"
             "what?"
            "and besides, we get a bunch of cancer perks," now smirking.
"ah yes the cancer perks I've heard so much about!" we laughed.
"but seriously my point is I can tell that you have another reason for being here besides you feel bad, come on that's a load of bull shit! excuse my language."
"oh no you're fine, and I don't know I just want to help"
"you're ridiculous" he kept looking me in the eyes like he was searching for an answer, sorry bro your ain't gonna find nothing there.
"well if you didn't hear me introduce myself I'm Jonah, and I have stage 4 bone cancer."
"oh sorry"
"yeah, whatever" he said jokingly. Was he flirting with me? Sorry bro I don't have those feelings don't waste your time with me it will get you no where! I wanted to scream that at him but I knew that wouldn't be a good idea.
"so why haven't I seen you before?" I asked.
"I just moved her from New York"
This confused me, why would someone move from New York one of the greatest places on earth to a shrubby little Virginia town? It doesn't make sense. Instead of sharing my thoughts I decided to keep them to myself, that is a skill I've mastered especially with my dad I try not to say anything to upset him so I'm usually pretty quiet in general.
He spends the rest of the night talking to me about my likes and dislikes and things like that we got to know each other, it was kind of nice actually nice to meet a guy where the first thing they said to wasn't, "hey nice bod what's your name doll-face?" God I hate guys at my school. I guess not all teenage boys are that bad.
          We walk out to the parking lot laughing about something that he said. It seemed so casual.
           He walks me to my car and we stand for a minute, he then says, "well I got to get going I'll see you soon rose!" he stuck out his hand for a hand shake, I shook his hand and a piece of paper was now in my hand, I must have looked confused because he than gave me one more confident flashing smile and let go of my hand and headed for his truck. He got in and drove away. I was still standing in the parking lot by my little blue car stunned, shocked, and confused. I looked at my hand and the folded piece of paper in it and I unfolded the piece of paper. It was a series of 10 digits, oh no his phone number.