Stay With Me (c.h.)

January 28, 2013

She finally came out of the dimly lit room. She stopped crying about an hour ago after I apologize a hundred times. Her hazel eyes were rimmed with redness and puffy. Collapsing in front of me her back to the door frame she looked at me soberly.
I wanted to hug her but I was annoyed of unanswered questions. "Are you waiting to leave me?"
She frowned and shook her head. "Are you?"
"I love you too much to let you go. Are you waiting to leave me, Jane?" I asked again not accepting a head shake as assurance.
"I love you, Calum." Her voice began to shake.
"But?" I push as her hands lift to wipe away fresh tears.
"I don't think this is the most healthiest relationship in the world. We argue more since I moved in. You stay out late with Zayn and his friends. Who knows what you guys are doing. I am here worrying about if you will ever come home or sleep with someone. We cheat on each other for sport but it hurts both of us.

I want to believe that we are destined for each other but how can I when I am constantly turning around to see if you are betraying my trust or if I you." Silence follows as I absorb what she spoke.

There is a feeling when your heart is breaking... There is a slight ache that starts from the pit of your stomach to the top of your chest. My breathing became shallow and everything became stars.
"Are you leaving me, Jane?"
"No." She whispered and my eyes wandered up to meet hers.
"Why?"
"I love you."
"Everything you just said. Why won't you leave me! If I am the most intoxicating thing in your life why keep me. Give me up and find someone that isn't such a fuck up like I am." The pain is instantly replaced with anger and empathy. Anger that she wouldn't leave me even when I was the one holding her back. Empathy because the poor lovesick child wouldn't leave me no matter what.
I rose from my spot stepping over her to the room packing a bag full of clothes.
"What are you doing?"
"If you won't leave," I drop the bag next to her. "Then I will make you. Get out."
She looked up a mask of shock and confusion. "What?"
"Get out. If you won't leave then I will make you leave. Out of my house now." Grabbing her arm lifting her up with bag in hand, I dragged her to the front door.
"You are insane. You can't kick me out of my own house. I pay for things not you."
"Out, Jane." I opened the door and pushed her out closing it with a loud bang.
"You fucking idiot! You can't kick me out!" She banged her fist against the door. Her sobs were growing intensely. "I have no where to go! You are the only one that has stuck. Calum! Please!"
Her knocks grew louder and her sobs quieter. I sunk to my feet and looked around. There was nothing in this house but her. Everything I looked at was tainted by her touch. There was nothing here for me. To improve myself I had to leave all mémoires of Jane. Pushing myself up I climbed the steps to the bedroom. I begin to pack my bag shoving clothes and that stupid journal into it. I looked around and my eyes land on the only picture Jane has of us from her best friend's wedding. All the others were lost when her old phone got stolen. I broke the frame and stuffed the picture into my bag.
Jane's sobs were softer when I reached the door. Swinging the door open I stepped over her.
"Where are you going?" Jane asks rising from her spot. "You can't leave. Where will you go?"
"I have places to crash at. We can both agree we need space. We break up and get back together but we never give each other space."
"How much time will you be gone?"
"Long enough to sort out my thoughts." I get into my car, the one thing I never drive often, starting the engine and backing out of the toxic relationship that I created.