The Boy Across the Street

11

After Joel had told me how he felt, his words were running through my head the entire night and day. I was so confused and utterly tired, I didn't know what to think anymore. I was happy that Joel liked me, I've been feeling he same way about him even though I've tried so hard to fight my emotions. But I'm not ready to trust anyone, I don't trust anyone. The one person that I used to trust with my life showed me he didn't give a single shit about me, and that I was just some thing that he could use to give his drunken self pleasure. I wasn't ready to put myself out there and be anything with Joel, I tried not to show it but I felt like I was falling apart.

I walk down the stairs not caring about my appearance, which could clearly be known by my baggy jeans and whichever t shirt I had fallen asleep in and the messiest bun I have ever done.

I can hear my mom doing something in the kitchen and I can feel my heart squeeze. I didn't tell her what happened, I didn't want her to feel like she always had to protect me like Joel said. I don't want her to feel like a bad mother for what could have happened to me, I didn't want her to feel bad because of me.

I walk over to the sink where she's currently standing washing a plate. She looks up at me and gives me a tired smile. I look at her closely and can see dark circles forming under her eyes.

I can't believe I didn't notice how tired she is. She's a single mom trying to put food on the table for the both of us and somehow pay rent for this place, she works all day at the hospital and I've never even noticed how much she had going on.

"Good morning." She says with a tired voice.

"Morning," I respond smiling at her. "mom you know what I've been thinking? You should go on a date."

She stops what she's doing and looks at me seriously, and I'm wondering if I said the wrong thing.

It was true though, she hadn't gone on a date in years. Ever since my dad left she's been alone and fully devoted to caring for me, but it's not going to be long until I go off to college and she's going to be here alone without a boyfriend, and there's no more kids running around this place so she's going to be kind of lonely.

"Emily, after your dad left me I thought that maybe I just wasn't destined to be with someone you know? A woman doesn't need a man in her life to be happy, and I'm completely happy with what I have now. I have you and that's really all I need. Maybe one day when I meet the person that will truly make me feel butterflies in my stomach I'll finally get a boyfriend, but I don't see it happening anytime soon after your father broke my heart." She gives me a broken smile after her speech and I stand there with my mouth open.

I smile at her and give her a hug. She was all I needed to be happy.

+++++++++

My moms speech made me realize something. Jason had broken my heart several times and stomped on it like it was a dirty cockroach, and after what happened to me I wasn't ready to be stepped on like that again. I don't know if Joel will make me happy or if he's just going to repeatedly break my heart, but I now noticed that I don't need anyone in particular that's going to be a significant other, all I need are friends that are going to be there for me. And I'm not sure if Joel would even want to be just my friend, but I'm not ready to just put myself out there
in that world of hurt again. Not just yet.

I try to spot Joel in the crowd of people in the cafeteria, shoving people out of the way just to get to him. I finally spot his famous leather jacket and make my way towards him, trying to gain confidence.

I tap his shoulder and take a deep breath as he turns around and looks down at me with a smile on his face. That smile would have made my heart race marathons.

"We need to talk." I tell him, and almost immediately his smile fades and I almost feel bad for what I'm about to do, but if it's for my own happiness then I'd do whatever it would take.

He simply nods as I pull him away by the hand from the people he was talking to, and sadly I don't care about if he was having a conversation or not, because if I didn't get this off my chest I felt like I would suffocate.

I finally let go of his hand once we're at the front door of the cafeteria. I shake my hands and quickly fix my hair.

"Are you okay?" He asks me weirdly.

"Joel I need to tell you something." I say quickly almost interrupting him. He nods for me to go on. "I think I might be falling for you too. Even though I might not want to because you can be the biggest dick sometimes. But no guy has ever treated me the way you treat me and I don't know, it just feels right with you, even though we've only known each other for about three weeks. But I'm not ready to be whatever you want us to be, I don't need someone to be in a relationship with all I need is someone that's going to be there for me and someone I can talk to because I don't really have that. The thing is I'm not ready after what happened to me. Someone I really thought loved me almost did something sick to me and I don't even know how to trust someone or even love someone like that again. It's not because of you Joel, it's completely just me and I really hope you can be that someone that I just talk to everyday and I can be open with."

By the time I'm done expressing my feelings my eyes are glassy and I don't even have the courage to look up at him now. He probably hates me and wants nothing to do with me. After all I just turned him down, that probably has never happened to him.

But I feel his arms pull me close to his chest and they rest around my neck while his chin rests on my head. "I'm here for you, I'll wait for the day you realize I'm not like him and that I'll treat you the way you deserve. He's a piece of shit and doesn't deserve the love you gave him. But just know that I would never make the mistake of doing that to you. Never would I ever in a million years make that mistake."

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thanks for reading ily ❤️