Hayffie Stories - Oneshots (#Wattys2016) (Fanfiction)

God Only Knows

Some things that the Capitol is know for is its beautiful landmarks, impeccable architecture, and it's extravagant parties. The delicacies that lie within the Capitol are graciously obtained by all citizens that live there. The racy decor coincides with the citizens fashion, and the fashion then breeds inspiration for the cuisine. Even with all of the plausible reasons to cherish the well-known and beloved Capitol, I don't see the appeal.

From growing up in the place of beauty and wonder, I have learned that everything is not as care free as it seems. From the crowded streets infested with nosy divas to the loud parties that pierce the ears of the innocent on every street corner. It's more of an obnoxious city than a serene one. Nothing is ever as good as it seems.

The one thing I do take pleasure out of besides my penthouse that is placed near the top of the tallest building in the city, far away from any soul that haunts the streets below, is the restaurant down the street. Not only does it cater good food that does not contain any of the artificial crap that sits within the Capitol delicacies, but every Friday night they entertain a karaoke night. This is the only place in the whole city that contains genuine people, the type of people that would bring you ice cream after a painful breakup or hold your hair back after you have had too much to drink. I enjoy listening to the purity of their voices, its the only thing real in a city filled with plastic. 

Ive only watched the nervous faces and heard the beautiful songs that protrude from them. I am too shy to actually get up on that little wooden stage and pour my heart out. I have a passion for singing, but only in the confinement of my penthouse where no haunting souls can overhear. I sing in the shower while I wash my naturally blonde hair. I sing when I heavily apply makeup due to the striking Capitol standards. I sing all of the time, as long as no one is around. 

As I sit in the crowded restaurant waiting for my food to arrive, I ponder the inevitable feelings I have toward one who I have grown close to. I don't want to have these strange feelings, because I work with this man and I want to always focus on my business. Ever since I was younger, I never thought about my personal life or what I wanted for myself; I only thought about getting an education and landing a career that would benefit me in the long run. I never bothered to get attached to a man because ultimately I knew that it would end in loss and heartbreak, just like all of the men and women who pour out their souls on that stage. I never wanted to be the weak link in the strong and overbearing world of wigs and depression. 

This is the only exception. I guess I never was the sentimental person that everyone seemed to be at some point in their life because I never found someone I truly cared for. The type of person that made me laugh out of pure euphoria. There was never someone who lifted my spirits and made me feel emotions that I thought were never possible. I was so focused on work that I had no time to meet someone who made me feel special. Ironically, work was the thing  that brought that man into my life, and that man is Haymitch.

I wouldn't dare admit that to anyone or anything for that matter. I am too scared to even speak about it out loud to myself in fear that someone may be listening. I keep all of these emotions inside of my brain and lock them in a place where no one can gain access. These are the types of thoughts I have when my food finally does arrive, and even after I finish and dwell on the fact that I cannot keep these bottled up emotions inside for much longer. There must be some way to get them out, and the answer is sitting on the wooden stage. 

The microphone is sitting in the middle of the abandoned stage, and it takes every inch of me to not go running up there crying as I pour all of my emotions out. Unfortunately, no one is stepping up to the stage, and I see myself get up out of my seat and look onto hundreds of faces as my feet touch the beautiful mahogany underneath. 

I didn't think this through. Even if I wanted to gain the courage to sing a heartfelt song about Haymitch, I had not thought about what that song would be. My mind is drawing a blank, and the people violently stare at me and anxiously wait for something to come out of my mouth. I try to stall: "Hi!" I hear myself say, "How are we all doing tonight?" 

Blank stares.

"Okay." I say, unsure of what to say next, "What about your food? I just had their famous salad. Devine!"

More blank stares.

"Okay, well I am going to sing..." I pause. The stalling is clearly not working, and I need to think of something fast. It finally comes to me in that moment of silence: "I am going to sing 'God Only Knows' by the Beach Boys." The music starts playing, and its at this moment that I feel completely calm. I never thought that my first time singing in front of people would be me indirectly confessing my love; however, it is a moment that I will definitely not regret.

"I may not always love

But long as there are stars above you

You never need to doubt it

Ill make you so sure about

God only knows what Id be without you."

As I hear myself sing these words, I think about all of the trust that I have given him. Why is it that when you love someone, you immediately trust every word they say? Why is it that I am completely okay with pouring my heart out onstage when I have never wanted to be the weak link? I always thought that there was an explanation for everything, but now I am not so sure. 

"If you should ever leave me

Though life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me."

Now that the Quarter Quell is coming closer and closer, I realize how much he really means to me. Most of the time he purposely insults my hair or makeup or tells me that I am too stuck up, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I love when he tells me these things because I know that he cares about me too. I cannot think about what would happen if he was chosen to fight to the death again in the perilous arena. What if I never got to see him again. This is all I think about as I sing the last line.

"God only knows what I'd be without you."

I kept my eyes closed for most of the song not wanting to see who was watching me, and pretending that I was back at home and no one was there. When I finally open my eyes again, sure enough, the whole restaurant is staring in my direction. Most of them are astounded by the performance that I just made due to the fact that I have always been the shy, quiet girl in the corner despite my revealing job as an escort. There is one person in particular, though, that catches my eye. This person stands in the back of the room where the light doesn't quite reach, obviously not wanting to draw any attention. This person is none other than Haymitch Abernathy.