R.I.P 4-16-16
I uhh....I miss you....its only been one day and I miss you already....
And...I uh....Idk....I just wanna say I'm sorry...
Im sorry I wasn't the best son....
Im sorry I fucked up a lot...
Im sorry I made mother leave...
Im sorry for those late nights of worrying..
Im sorry for the tears I made you spill...
Im sorry for the anger I caused you....
Im sorry for the stress I put on your shoulders...
Im sorry for everything I did wrong....
And yet you stayed, and I know it wasnt because you were my dad and were forced to stay...no...you stayed cuz you truly loved me...and I thank you for that
Thank you for the love...
Thank you for the kisses...
Thank you for the toys...
Thank you for the fun times...
Thank you for the times you helped me in school...
Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder...
Thank you for the inspirational words...
Thank you for the boxing lessons...
Thank you for never giving up on me...
Thank you for accepting me for me...
Thank you for calling me your son...
If only I had been perfect....the perfect son. If only I could have been the son you deserved...the one that made you so fucking proud...I could have been that...
I could have been a genius...
I could have been strong...
I could have not cut...
I could have been straight...
I could have not started drinking...
I could have stopped her from leaving...
I could have stopped being a pain...
I could have not joined that gang...
I could have not argued with you....
I could have not let you drive off...
I could have been a better kid...
I could have been the perfect son you needed and deserved...
And its all my fault.....your gone....cuz of me...and I didn't even get to say I'm sorry...I didn't get to say I love you....I didn't get to say you were the best dad in the world...
I remember that one night...where I was merely 5 years old...and I was still scared of thunderstorms...
I remember....sitting in the corner....hugging the batman stuffie you had bought me for my birthday that year...
I remember sitting on that corner, hugging the stuffie and crying quietly into the toy whimper for the bad to go away....
I remember you walking in with a candle....your face breaking into a sad smile at seeing me so scared...
I remember you coming over to me...and telling me I was safe....and then you carried me to my bed...and climbed in beside me.
You told me that I had nothing to be scared about...cuz I was your big tough little boxer.
I remember being held tightly to your chest, as you ran your fingers through my stupid long tangled curly hair...and telling me stories... stories about brave knights fighting dragons... princes' searching the world for their princesses...I even remember you telling me about the ugly duckling...
You always did everything in your will power to make sure I was safe...to make sure I was happy...you were my Batman....you were my hero...
I'm hurting dad....I'm hurting so bad and I haven't been able to sleep or eat...
I just wish I could have told you I love you....
This so much like us....its scary...but it's okay...I know your in a better place....
I love you so so so so so so so so much dad....forever...
Love,
Your little boxer
