"Blindsided" - A Nouis Oneshot

A/N : Hey guys, so this is my first post on Wattpad and I hope you guys like it :) It's a songfic based off of one of my favorite songs "Blindsided" by Bon Iver :) I'll be uploading a new chaptered Dark!Harry Larry Stylinson fanfic shortly, so feel free to check that out! :)

( trigger warnings contain : depression, cutting, burning, suicidal thoughts and attempts )

- Cam x

 -

[ nouis oneshot ]: blindsided

I crouch like a crow
Contrasting the snow
For the agony, I'd rather know
'Cause blinded, I am blindsided

Niall was fine. Really.
Okay, so maybe sometimes he felt a bit sad. It was absolutely manageable though.

Traveling the world with his four best mates, performing for thousands of their fans day in and day out; it was all Niall had ever wanted, how could he possibly complain? So maybe his band mates had a habit of taking the mickey out of him the most, and they might hurt his feelings pretty occasionally, but Niall put it all down to the fact that he was so oversensitive. It wasn't their fault that Niall wore his feelings on his sleeve and took just about everything to heart even though he knew they were only joking and how could they possibly know just how fragile Niall actually was? It wasn't like Niall liked feeling so absolutely insecure about every part of himself and he definitely didn't wasnt others to know, so how could they? Niall didn't blame them. If it was anyone's fault, it was his for being so weak.

It wasn't as if Niall enjoyed slicing into his skin or holding the flame of the crappy blue lighter up against a patch of skin along his thigh or biting his nails down to their quicks, he deserved the pain; the punishment. But, in some twisted light, there was something sickeningly beautiful about the way the blood dotted along the lines he had created along his wrists; the way the flame flickered and swayed against his skin; the way his nail beds bled and bled and Niall felt as if blood and scars and calloused skin were the only things he in his line of sight nowadays. Not that he would ever admit it.

The boys didn't know. They would've never guessed that their happy-go-lucky Niall would ever become so entirely dependent on such petty acts of self-harm. Their Niall couldn't ever be capable of doing such haneous things. But ThisNiall would never be ThatNiall again, would never be the completely innocent and easily excited boy the others once knew. After that first cut; there was no going back. Niall didn't think they realized that it hurt his feelings when one of them made fun of him for the silliest of things. And it really shouldn't have bothered Niall at all, but he was too weak not to take the words to heart and even though he didn't want to, would later punish himself not only for believing their words, but also for being too petty to believe them.

Niall had been bullied as a child. None of One Direction's best-selling books had mentioned it, nor had he when asked. It wasn't something he was proud of. Why should he share that part of his life anyway? It had been a dark time for him filled with tears and self-inflicted wounds and bracelets and long-sleeved jumpers and bruises and hurt feelings. Niall merely didn't want to go into it. Too many foul names and punches and, who wants to talk about being shoved into a locker everyday for four years anyways?

It was all completely manageable though, it really was.

　

-

　

The boys and I all fell through Lou and Harry's door one Sunday afternoon. The American leg of their tour had just ended and they were given a few days off and planned to do absolutely nothing for once in what felt like forever. Niall flopped down on the couch, Liam to his right and Louis to his left. (He may or may not have pointedly sat next to Louis before Harry could. And the grin Louis shot him may or may not have sent his heart into a frenzy, skipping every other beat and making it thump erratically. So Niall might've had the slightest crush, what of it.) The telly had been turned to a Man U footie match and, usually Niall would've been all for it, but today he'd been feeling a tad more maudlin than usual and he knew that if he didn't get a grip on himself sooner or later, the others would surely notice and that would lead to an interrogation he was not keen on having. So he started to talk.