Classic Dumb Fan Fic Moments

Chapter 1

A/N Lately I have been more invested in reading fan fics, and the same typical moments keep making a reappearance in a majority of them. Obviously I have an opinion on these, but don't comment because I don't wish to offend anyone. So I will just make a list of these offenses.

- The story bio seems alright, first page~ My name is Elle Caywood, and I've always been bullied in the past for being ugly and too skinny.... I brushed my long golden hair and stares in the mirror at my boring blue eyes.
Yes because a Barbie is AlWAYS so ugly, please complain some more bout your perfect looks, and the author always casts a beautiful model for her, yep Elle AKA Jennifer Lawrence is clearly a social nobody.

-Girls in fan fics always have pale, porcelain skin. God forbid one direction or any other attractive guy like an African American, Hispanic, or Arab! No ! that can never happen because we live in the 21 rst CENTURY!

- Elle Caywood is the typical goody two shoes, meets a bad boy.
"Let's skip class together, we won't get caught!"
"ok!" Yes because we always agree to what our boyfriends says. Like if that happened to me, Damn ain't no man is messing with my education. Like she puts up no argument like a submissive wimp.. Thanks authors for portraying girls as spineless, pretty things.

- On the off chance that there is an Arab girl or someone from the Middle East, she and Zayn are in an arranged marriage- SHOCKER.. Like Zayn's mom says," Welcome back from tour- meet your wife Layla!" Somehow the parents magically forgot a Perrie Edwards exists...

- He slammed me against the wall, pinning me down with his strong muscular arms. I could feel his hot breath against my neck. His normally light eyes darkened with lust and he stared at me. Holding me against the wall he leaned in and whispered in my ear, " Are you afraid of me?"
Holy shit, do you even have to ask!
1-He is invading your personal space bubble like bro, give me some room, too close. If our arms are out they shouldn't be touching and I feel contact
2- I didn't know guys had mood ring eyes, like I wonder if my eyes darken in anger cuz I'm pretty sure they'd be freaking black if someone held me down..
3- She always stands there gasping against the walls.. Kick him in the balls and run #selfdefense


-El and said boyfriend Riley arrive at party. Strange guy looks at Elle, probably recognized her from somewhere. Riley grabs El's arm.
" We're leaving. That fucking creep was staring at you, and undressing you with his eyes. Damn!"
El, " Okay."
Mhmm where to start...
~ Somehow there always is a creeper at a party staring and obviously it is not okay to look at a girl if you're a guy because WHOAH, that's like mental sexual harassment. God forbid a guy look at a girl ..
~El is just a girl who is ok with anything, we just arrived at the party, but yeah just drag me out, I'm YOUR play doll..... Okay
~ Riley is always so protective like really, I wonder how he'd react if he saw her talking to a guy. El never says
"Chill Riley, I'm fine, he was just a friend, calm your titties."
Is it hard to stand up for yourself?
#saysomething

-As soon as El starts dating Riley they spend every waking minute together. Then El gets upset because her friends thinks she's ditching them.. Woah El c'mon sister before misters, chicks before dicks.. And when do all girls decide to have a life that revolves around said boyfriend. No hobbies, sports, activities, arts.
"What do you like to do El?"
"Hang out with my boyfriend."
Yes, that's an acceptable answer.
Continue your life now please

- Riley and El break up. Years later they cross paths again.
Of course she proclaims her undying love to him. He then starts to cry and confesses," All those girls I slept with and dated were nothing. They were just beautiful, blonde bimbos. I'm still in love with you. All these years I've been trying to get over you! Be mine again!!"
Hmm I definitely pined over you for years but slept with half the female population trying to get over you. Okay. And everything I did was for you. I never loved any of those girls. When has that ever happened?! Someone was deeply in love with someone for years, but they could still date/sleep with other women and felt fine..
Words cannot express shsueuwbeboxshajaixoksbwi
Then she is content with his confession and they live happily ever after...
Rewind ~~~~~~
Wait I love you so much but never kept contact with you for 5 years.... What


- Riley and El arrive at a party. No guy has looked at El so everything is good so far.
"I'll go get us some drinks, El."
"Ok"
El decides to use the restroom.
*Cue the bedroom noises
Gasp! Riley is locking lips with some other blonde bimbo.
"El! Let me explain- I didn't kiss her!"
"We are over!"
Aha someone developed a spine. #standup
This scene always confuses me so much. If someone that happened to be an ex or creeper leaned in close to me I push them away or move myself away. #personalspace
You know when someone is too close, who just stands there. No you make space between yourself, move the other away or remove yourself from the situation. Simple.
And if that crazy bitch forced her lips on him, a shove works. She should've only had contact with Riley's lips for a second. And El happened to walk by that very second? Highly unlikely. Authors please do some research.
And I think a proper boyfriend and girlfriend would hear each other out, not break up and stomp away to go pout. Let's be serious teenagers here..


*That's all for now rant over :))
~Re