cannibal. // Levi X !Bipolar Reader

Chapter XVIII

A/N: we're approaching the end of this book.
the 20th chapter is supposed to be the end, so this chapter and the other one are going to be short, since they're kinda fillers.

I wasn't always a cannibal.

I wasn't always someone that tried to fit in society because people didn't accept what I was.

I wasn't always wearing a mask to hide my sins under.

Everyone is born a sane being. Fate and destiny doesn't influence if you're going to become this and that. What will define you is your surroundings. What you touch, speak to, taste, listen, smell and glimpse everyday forges the person you will shift into.

Sometimes, you don't own control over that. Actually, nobody does own control over who they will change into. It's predetermined; if you're going to speak to this person, or eat this fruit, every action, every event that happens throughout your life forges you until you cannot be forged anymore, either because you melted into nothingness or weren't able to handle the weight of the hammer shifting you into a slightly different person everyday.

For some people, that hammer could be thicker, or a little more sharp, it could also be really small or tremendous. Depending on the habits of the person, the hammer in question changes shape to apply the consequence of the act upon the individual.

Let's take murderers, for example.

You'd probably say, "oh, well, the hammer might just hit so hard that the person will regret committing this act" or something around that base. Actually, it's not quite it.

That hammer that forges and sculpts our ego will act in a certain way to make the person feel the results of the event, and most likely digs deeply since it is a pretty bad act. The person is then drowning into despair, constantly hearing the noise of the hammer hitting against oneself, progressively feeling the weight of ripping to shreds another individual's life.

This hammer is the trigger to so many things we wished we controlled; feelings, urges, habits, etc. It's the mere reason to why people always need to think twice or thrice before acting, so they can predict how they will forge.

'Will I become a better person by doing this?'

'Will this influence my mindset?'

'Will this send me somewhere I don't wish to be sent to?'

One's life is constantly manipulated by this hammer, but it is not permanent.

When one is capable of living on without the support of the hammer, this one can dismiss. We call these people 'monsters', 'bipolar' and even 'cannibal'.

Why, you may ask?

It's not that difficult.

If I bring back the hammer, this powerful thing that has the ability of influencing one's life, of changing it, of twisting it around in a negative or positive way.

What characterizes the category without a hammer is that their life is unchangeable. No matter how hard it digs, hits, pierces through the person, the individual only feels the pain but no major impact upon their personality. The eager hammer will hence dismiss and let the one rot.

Even if despised, humans will always cherish that hammer, since it pictures a life saver in all cases.

'Oh well, if I drink once, it won't hurt that much.'

'One more cigarette, and then I'll stop, promise.'

'I'll study tomorrow, the exam isn't even that important anyway.'