Dreams...
"Being a singer is my dream"
"I want to be a musician one day, 'cause that's my dream"
"I dream, of being a performer"
I used to tell all of these dreams i have in life to my grandfather. He would half serious and half-jokingly say to me "Then why don't you make them come true?"
I never really thought about it that much, because for me, the ability to sing is enough. I would always play the CDs we have in the house, it could either be a classical or a pop one but i wouldn't mind. While the disk is playing i would go in front of the mirror and sing, sometimes i get really into it that my expressions and actions will also go with the flow of the sweet music i'm listening to.
My grandfather used to tell a lot of embarrassing stories (which he think is cute) when i was a kid, he said there was this time he was singing this song entitled "Born Free",he said he heard me humming to the tune of the song and realized i was matching with the tune perfectly. He then started to encourage me in singing, and it wasn't long enough before I started singing all the songs he sang. He was the reason why i loved music, that my voice started to grow.
I never really sang any classical or 90's songs in front of anyone yet, simply because i was afraid, afraid of people laughing at me. I have this CD before that has some random songs in it from different local bands and their music videos. There was this particular song i really liked, it was a little girl singing in a contest with long straight hair, she wore a dark violet dress that perfectly complimented her rosy complexion. Her eyes were shining as she sings about her dreams to be a well-known singer. I looked at her and tried to memorize the song, slowly i got used to it's catchy tune.
When i was in 1st grade i used to study in this public school. Our class adviser is really kind and humorous at the same time. She was pale with long black hair, she would often call me "girl with the curly hair", i can't clearly remember it but all i knew was she told me to sing in front of the class and i did. Me as a nervous little girl with a shaky voice luckily finished this song called "Pangarap Lang". The class applauds and smiles at me. And that's when it all started..
The same happened in 2nd grade, the teacher would often tell me to sing in front of the class, which i did but deep inside my heart i was really afraid but glad at the same time. The rush of adrenaline that i would feel everytime i step in front of the class and sing really makes my heart race.
Before i knew it i was already on 3rd grade. This time the new class adviser is really short-tempered with us, her stubborn pupils. She knew that i could sing, and would always tell me to sing in front whenever she is mad, and i would always sing the same song over and over again i never really cared if they would get sick of the song, i just.. wanted to sing. This one time she got really mad at us, she was really red. She told me to sing in front.. i sang the same song again after that, i heard the sentence that I never knew would change my life "You're like an angel, i'm really glad you're my student, whenever i hear your voice it makes me feel happy, it's so sweet that i really get into the melody of the song. Kid, don't stop singing.." After she said that the class cheers and applauds.
Classes were finally over and it was time for vacation. One time my dad asked me "Hey, what do you think about you moving to a private school?" i answered "are you planning to transfer me to another one?" and he never responded. It was until the end of vacation that i knew for sure i am never gonna see my old school again. I never even got to say goodbye ..
4th grade and i was back to school, but in a new one. As I entered the main entrance, I saw green walls and a lot of stairs and different rooms. I was a real loner, I felt brutally excluded to the class. I sat in the last row at the very edge, with nine empty and lifeless brown armchairs beside me. I felt judgemental stares everytime the teacher was out, but i have no choice but to ignore it all. I was always alone during recess and it felt like i was invisible, well.. maybe I was.. My quiet situation suddenly changed when i was ranked 1st, the adviser even asked what my talent was and without hesitation i said "i can sing." so i sang.. that song.. the class was just quiet listening to me. And when the song ended i got back to my chair like nothing happened, i thought i heard them laughing and talking about me. A few months and it was our section who was required to lead the flag raising ceremony, our adviser picked some students to lead and sing and i was included, i sang "Come, Holy Spirit". Luckily, i did great and no mistakes, well.. so i thought. The whole class were obviously talking about me and i'm certain i heard one of them say the way i sing is weird and such.
"it's okay.. i can just wait until i get moved to another school..."
-TO BE CONTINUED-
