"I have a brain tumour."
The way she says it, with such a lack of emotion, such a lack of information; it makes Jane's heart clench in her chest as her knees buckle beneath her.
Maura watches, completely stoic, as Jane slumps down into Maura's couch. Her mouth opens once, twice, trying to find anything to say, anything at all. What is she supposed to say?
"It's inoperable." Maura states, face devoid of any emotion.
Jane's hands tremble as she runs them through her hair, rubs them against her temples in some useless attempt at trying to relieve the ironic heaviness she feels in her mind. Her mouth is dry with grief despite the fact that Maura's still right there- Right in front of her, just an arms distance away.
She already feels lost to her.
"How long?" Jane manages to stammer out, finally looking up at Maura for the first time since those fateful words had escaped her lips.
"Just inside a year." Maura answers plainly.
Jane can't prevent the desperate cry that tumbles, unbidden, from her lips. Her hands reach out, seeking, but Maura stays carefully out of reach. Doesn't meet Jane's eyes, instead keeps them fixed firmly on the ground.
"I won't make it that long, Jane." Maura whispers, and, for the first time, Jane hears some emotion weaving throughout her voice. "I know what will happen. How I'll slowly lose myself to this disease. And I-I can't let that happen."
Jane wishes that she could find her feet; longs to stand and wrap her arms around her best friend. So beautiful and lovely and intelligent and- and dying? Yet when she tries to rise from the couch, her legs simply buckle beneath her again and she slumps, still in some strange mix of shock and grief and all-consuming terror. Maura doesn't seem to want to be anywhere near her.
"What are- Are you trying to tell me what I think you're trying to tell me?" Jane chokes out the words, feels tears beginning to well in her eyes.
Slowly, Maura's eyes raise from the floor and meet Jane's gaze. "When the time comes, when I feel I'm in my last stages of my true self, I want to take my life. Yes. And I hope you'll respect that."
"Maura- No, Maura, please."
It's the isolated look in Maura's eyes and the knives she feels driving through her heart that force her shaking legs to work. She stumbles to her feet and grabs Maura's shoulders, sighing at the way Maura shakes beneath her touch. She's much more
frightened than she appears.
"Jane, I know what's going to happen to me. I know how I'm slowly going to deteriorate. And I don't want that. So, please." Maura begs, reaching out and gripping Jane's forearms with strength she didn't know she possessed. "Let me enjoy these last few months
