One Shots

What Am I

((WARNING TRIGGER ALERT))
These were blurbs that I wrote when my depression got bad and I struggled with my weight. Please don't read them if you are triggered by eating disorders and/or suicide
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It's the little things. She don't look for cars when she crosses the street. She doesn't wait for her tea to cool off. She isn't careful with knives. She speeds up before the light turns red. She gets drunk and goes home with a new person each night. Whatever drugs are available she'll take. She doesn't care anymore. She is reckless about what she does because she doesn't care that it'll hurt her. She's tired of careful and she wants to leave. And so it's the little things that tip me off, of just how suicidal she really is
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For when I breathe, I can feel it's weight
When I walk, I can feel it move
When I talk, I grab at my stomach
When I eat, I hate myself.
Because all I can think of, is how
big I am
How big I'm getting
I do what I can, to stop this
torture
But it always returns
Looking at the girls in magazines
Watching the other girls at school
Seeing the boys so fit and slim
And feeling like I'm the only fool
Who isn't a size 0,
who can't see it through