Behind The Camera (PHAN)

Thoughts in passing

Hey hey hey another chapter! This one is more of a chapter filled with thoughts and stuff and not actions? Honestly, I prefer chapters with more of a scene, but what do you think? I WRITE FOR YOU AND NOT FOR ME AND I ALSO LIVE FOR FEEDBACK BC I WANNA IMPROVE MY SHITTY WRITING- So let me know

I Dan kissed me lightly on the lips before turning to head out the door. "Bye Dan!" I said, smiling.

"Bye, Phil," he said with a cheeky little grin, "Remember what we said about not telling anyone... I don't even want my mum to know."

"Got it," I said, noting the fact. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Yep. Bye."

"See you!"

Dan walked out the door. For a fleeting moment, I wanted to call out to him, tell him to stay, but I couldn't. Dan needed to get home, after all. His parents were probably expecting him. I wondered what he would do when he got there. What would he say we did? Hung out, played video games? I trusted he would come up with something reliable.

My stomach rumbled. I'm hungry. I hope Dan isn't pissed at me for not feeding him. I mean, probably not, but, maybe. It's hard to tell what he's thinking sometimes. He's very hard to figure out. What was going on in his head when he kissed me? What was going on in mine?

I turned around and headed for my tiny kitchen, hoping that I had some good food somewhere. I need to go grocery shopping, but I'm not very good at it. I always forget things, and then I have to go back to buy them again.

I wonder if Dan is any good at shopping, maybe he could help me. No wait, that's a silly thought. That would only be a thing if he lived with me, and he doesn't. I doubt he ever will. Even if he kissed me. I thought back to the kiss. What happened? And more importantly, why?

I remember Dan, his deep, chocolate coloured eyes, his long hair, his sun kissed skin, warm against mine. He'd hugged me and said I was a good friend. That should've been it, right? It should've ended there and we would've gone on to play Crash Bandicoot, but we didn't. I remember pulling away and trying to get a good look at him, but he looked away from me. He seemed upset with himself. And then, I grabbed his hand. I just wanted to be nice, right? Right?

My thoughts are in a flurry. I don't know what to do. I remember, I told him I liked him. That must've been it. He must've thought I LIKED him, almost school crush like, but I was only saying that to try and make him feel better. It wasn't a declaration of love or anything, was it? I don't know. I'm so confused. I struggled to keep up with what happened. I'd grabbed Dan's hand and then... and then... he looked at me and then kissed me. And- and his lips felt... warm. And soft. Definitely kissable. The heat from his body had radiated into mine, giving me a happy feeling. But then I pulled away. Why did I pull away? I was surprised. It's not necessarily that I didn't want to kiss him, I just wasn't prepared for it. Wasn't thinking about what he might've been planning to do. If only he had told me, and then I wouldn't have pulled away. Or would I? I don't know how I feel about that kiss. I want more, but I also don't know how I feel about him. I'm not sure I like him in that way. I mean, I'm bi, but that doesn't mean that I have to like every other male and/or female that I come across, and it's not like that with Dan. I just wanted to be friends, but I didn't want to hurt him, and I was caught up in the moment so, I kissed him back. I was grabbing his hand really tight and then I felt like I needed to pay him back, and the first thing that came to mind was THAT. Why did I do it? Did I want it? Did I feel bad for Dan?

I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how I feel about Dan, but he certainly loves me, at least a little bit. Okay, maybe not- love is a strong word. Does that entitle me to love- like- him too? Do I? I've done quite a few things in he last three hours to prove that I must have feelings for Dan, but my head isn't telling me so.

I shook the thoughts out of my head like a dog shaking water out of its ears. It's fine. I'll sort out my feelings for Dan another time. Meanwhile, I should get something to eat, I'm starving!
I opened my cabinets to see if I had any cereal left. I did- I tend to eat cereal a lot. I love to have it as a snack. Love. I love cereal, but I don't know if I love Dan yet.

"Shut up..." I muttered aloud. I told myself that I was going to get away from that for a while. I grabbed a box of shreddies, and plunged my hand into it, not caring that I didn't have a bowl or anything. Plus, who was there to eat my cereal? I thought as I chewed slowly. Dan, maybe. If he stayed over. He's coming back soon, right? Tomorrow maybe? So we can do the video? Maybe I should call him and ask, but no. Dan left ten minutes ago. Plus, I shouldn't want to call him back so soon. I chewed slowly. Unless he wants me to. He probably does, but I'm eating.

(A/N: Ooh plot twist- Phil doesn't know how he feels about Dan! Yeah, this chapter was mostly thoughts, not actions, but idk what you like. Should I do chapters like this more often, or should I have more chapters with some... uh, action in them? Let me know! Also, give me feedback on my writing! I live for feedback! I promise I'm not going to get pissed off at you for giving me some constructive criticizm- I want my writing to be better!
GIVE ME THE CONSTRUCTIVE FEEBDACKS PLZ -Aud)

(also, a+ for anyone that noticed that Dan and Phil ate the same cereal in different scenes, unless that wasn't too hard to remember)