direct messages - tronnor

fifteen

C O N N O R

Troye stood up quickly, almost tripping over some clothes in the process. He shuffled over to the door way, and turned around.

"I need some fresh air," he said. I nodded. I waited until his feet stopped shuffling through my apartment, and I heard the door open and close, then I finally gave up. My head fell into my upturned hands and I wept. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew I shouldn't have expected him to agree with me and just embrace me. I'm so fucking dumb.

Everyone always says that optimism is a good trait. I think it's one of my worst traits. It prevents me from having realistic expectations of some situations. It makes my life more difficult in so many ways. I expect the best out of things that will never have a positive outcome.

-

It had been a few hours since Troye left. I was now sat on the couch, watching a documentary, when he came barging back in. He had a sly grin on his face, and he looked haggard. I stood up and rushed over to him. He tried to take a step closer to me, but nearly lost his balance.

He was piss drunk.

"Troye," I sigh, "how did you even get a drink? Aren't you twenty?"

He hiccuped

"I only had one," he lied with a slur, "and they didn't even ask for identification."

"Why? Why did you think this was a good idea?" I put my hand on his lower back and guided him to the couch to sit down. He plopped down heavily. He goes to lean his head back against the wall, but hits it a bit too hard. He yelps and pulls up his hand to massage the wounded area.

"I didn't. I'm drunk on you, silly."

His words make my breath hitch.

"What do you mean?" I rush, impatience flowing through my veins.

"I can't tell you this without being hammered, I would stop myself, I'm too hesitant. Connor, I don't think I love you, and I don't know if I ever will. You're my best friend, not my boyfriend," he says, almost soberly.

"I think it's best if you leave me alone, for a while. You can stay here tonight, but you should leave tomorrow," I say. I look over at him and see him fast asleep. His head plops onto my lap, unconsciously. "Never mind I guess," place my hand on his head and run my fingers through his hair. What've I done? I acted too soon, we could've had it all.

I just need to rest, to forget about things for a bit. My mind slows, I relax into the couch. Troye still has his head rested on my lap, and I still rub his head. I want him to be mine. I need him. He is the only reason I'm still here.

Troye.

My angel.

I shut my eyes, squeezing tears out of them.
Troye's rhythmic breathing and the sound of his heart beating soon puts me to sleep.

-

When I wake up, it's pitch black outside. I take in my surroundings, wondering why I fell asleep in the couch. It all hits me, then. I realize I'm alone, where's Troye?

I hear a hurl from the bathroom, then spluttering. I rush down the hall to see Troye sitting on the floor, head hovering over the toilet. I sit next to him and pull my arms around his shoulders.

"Are you alright?" I ask, genuinely concerned.

"No," he groans, "absolutely not." His mouth shuts quickly, and he leans over the toilet seat. Bile shoots out his mouth in large measures. He flushes the toilet again. He moans and slinks back to the floor.

"Do you need anything?" I ask.

"Um," he seems to think over what he's about to say, he opens his mouth, hesitantly, "c-can you hold me?"

I nod, shocked, and slip my right arm behind his waist. I pull my left arm behind his neck, so I can bury his head into my shoulder. He gently slips his arms around me as well.

"I feel better now," he barely whispers.

-

"You aren't ridiculous," Troye states out of the blue. We were at the table eating takeout for dinner.

"Huh?" I ask, obviously confused.

"You said I would think you sounded ridiculous, this morning. You didn't, it was sweet," he sighed, "I just don't think I can be with you."

"I know, and I can forget my feelings. Troye you are the only thing I have left, I can't lose you too."

"I'm so sorry, Con, for causing you pain. You will find someone, someone who loves you in that way."

I shook me head, "no, I will never love someone as much as I-" I sigh, "never mind, but yeah, I may find someone I can settle with."

Troye looks at me, pity evident in his eyes. I feel tears building up in my eyes, I stand up quickly. I grab the back of the chair so tight my knuckles begin to turn white, and my eyes won't unglue from the floor. I hear some rustling and shuffling. Footsteps near my tense form, and I soon feel two slender arms slink themselves around my waist. Troye buries his head in my shoulder, his nose tickling my neck. I inhale slowly.

Oh God how am I ever gonna get over him?

♤♤♤

a/n ahhh this chapter is so so fluffy. but it's also so sad wth. anyways are you guys liking how this is going? and DONT WORRY something nice will happen soon! (unless i change my mind)