direct messages - tronnor

fourteen

T R O Y E

My mind was going wild. I had no clue why Connor seemed to be angry at me. I was completely stressed about this. My hands began to feel sweaty as we got closer to his house.

"So how was your flight?" Stacy asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Oh, um, it was okay," I say nodding my head.

"You look good! Have you been working out?" She observes.

"No, but thank you! Why, do I look tough?" I say putting on an angry face. She laughs and shakes her head.

"Nope. You still look like a five year old."

"Thanks!" I say sarcastically, smacking her arm. I had always been insecure about my body. I've always had a skinny figure, and I've never liked it. Recently, though, I've been learning to accept myself for who I am and I feel like everyone needs to do that.

"I'm just kidding!" she defends, "you look like a handsome young man."

"You sound like my mum," I giggle.

Silence fills the car for a while longer, until I push a button which seems to turn on the radio. A Lady Gaga song fills the car, but it ends just seconds after. The host plays a few ads before announcing that he's playing a new song. I begin to feel curious and I listen closely. The intro begins and my head whips round to look at Stacy, and she looks utterly shocked.

"No fucking way! Oh my God," I give a shocked laugh, "this is my song!"

Stacy reaches for my hand and clenches it in hers.

"I can't believe it took them so long!" She says.

I smile so wide my cheeks begin to hurt. The overwhelming joy that filled my heart could not be ruined by anything at this point.

-

"We're almost there!" Stacy announces. I turn to her and smile. Unfortunately it wasn't a real one. The closer we got to Connor's house, the more fear filled my thoughts. I felt like I was gonna throw up. I really didn't want to fuck up my relationship with him. I keep thinking about it and I have realized that I have absolutely no clue what I did wrong.

"Here we are!" Stacy pulls into a small sky blue house with white shutters. It had that vintage feel, but not the old lady kind. There were white roses in the front garden bed and a few bushes. It was honestly a beautiful house.

I type a quick direct message to Connor, letting him know we're here. I hesitantly open my car door. I leave my belongings in Stacy's car, and figure I will at least make sure he's home, first. I also don't want to have to lug it all back if he tells me I can't stay with him.

"You can stay here, I'll be right back. Unless you want to come with?" I say to Stacy.

"No it's fine, come get me in a few," she says with a smile.

I walk up to his front door which is made of beautiful cherry wood. It looks quite grand for such a small house. I knock softly a few times and wait for an answer. I hear the sound of locks clicking and some rustling.

The door finally swings open to where I find a disgruntled Connor, a broom in hand and sweat sticking to his forehead. When his beautiful green eyes met mine they lit up, he smiled widely. Before I could process what was happening, his arms found their way around my waist and he was squeezing me. I hugged him back and my anxiety slipped away. So he wasn't mad at me?

"Troye! Oh my God! You don't even know how happy I am that you're here!" He says.

"I'm so happy that I'm here too," I mumble into his shoulder. And I really truly was. I was still a bit worried about what he had to say though. I have to forget about that for now, and just enjoy the calm while it lasts.

-

I finally unpack my final belongings in an extra dresser that Connor had. I brushed off my hands and placed them on my hips. Admiring my work. I felt like a parent who had just finished cleaning the whole house, and was content with themselves. My mind wondered back to home, I missed my family.

The door to the room opened and Connor's head popped in. He smiled wearily, anxiety covering his face. He stepped in and closed the door behind him.

"Hey, um, we need to talk," Connor said.

I had totally forgotten he wanted to talk to me, fear flooded my mind again. I could feel my brain bouncing between the walls of my head, I could hear my heart beating so very fast.

Connor lead me to the bed and he and I sat down. He wrung out his hands and turned to face me.

"Troye? This is so stupid and you are probably going to think I'm ridiculous," he takes a long deep breath, "when we first messaged I loved you. Not in that way, but in the admiration type way. I had been so caught up in our connections, that I hadn't even noticed something huge, something so, so important. Until it was too late.

"I am hoping by telling you this, you know I'm vulnerable, and you won't ignore me or break me."

I look at Connor confused, brows furrowed. He sighs.

"Troye, I realized it one night. We were Skyping and you kept complementing me. I think it's because you knew I had been feeling insecure that day. Thank you for that by the way. But I knew.

"I was falling for you. Hard. I know. I develop feelings too fast. I know you probably think my feelings are false, but they aren't, I wouldn't lie to you. Especially you. And Troye as horrible as it sounds, as soon as it sounds, as crazy as it sounds, I love you."

My jaw dropped.