nefelibata (a collection of short stories)

a heartless winter

The soothing sound of Marvin Gaye's voice echoed in my ears as the cab driver increased the volume slightly. The familiar lyrics roamed my mind, triggering past memories for me to forcefully reminisce. My experiences that dealt with love were painful and scarred me with trust issues and the inability to ever fully love someone like they would ever love me. It was an endless cycle of horrible choices and dreadful outcomes that ended up with long lasting circumstances. I was cursed to never being able to find "the one"; I was now heartless.

Revisiting the town of lost hopes, I wasn't sure how to feel. My childhood memories occurred here and returning as an adult, it seemed awful as it felt like I was a dragging a burden of pain along with me. I watched the snow fall lightly outside the car window and suddenly felt at ease. Snow meant holiday season, which was my favorite. Who couldn't love the snowfall, colorful decorating lights, the aroma of oak trees and the overall comforting welcome of your family. Christmas was my favorite holiday, as it always had been since I was a child, and I had experienced something special every year.

At the age of six, my parents brought home my younger sister Sophia and it was the first time I had felt bonded with someone. At ten, my grandfather had built me my own piano as I had always told anyone around me I aspired to become a professional piano player. When I was fourteen, I was given my first pointe shoes from my ballet instructor, Mrs. Hobbs, telling me I was going to be a brilliant dancer someday. Then there was the age of seventeen, when I had met the love of my life and six years later, he's no longer mine.

The car stopped abruptly in front of a two story, white panneled cottage. Snow covered its brown wooden rooftop and empty porch. I gave the driver a few coins and got out, taking my luggage from the trunk. I stared at the cottage as the car quietly drove off. The longer I stared, the closer I felt to running away. I was a coward, but that was what was so special about me. I was afraid of change, one of my many fears, and I ran away from any obstacles life throws at me. Yes, I was coward but there was no more time for that. Carpe diem, says my only tattoo by the side of my rib cage.

I took small and slow steps towards the house, dragging my heavy suitcase behind me. With every step, my heart began to beat faster, at any given minute it would leap out if it could. As soon as I stepped on the porch and faced the front door, I felt uneasy and the snow suddenly wasn't comforting. Taking a deep breath, I held my palm up and knocked on the door. One, two, three, tap. Within seconds, a middle aged woman with short, shiny brown hair and bold green eyes opened the door. Her eyes lightened after recognizing me and she flashed her perfect, beautiful smiles I had always admired since I could remember.

"Oh, my baby, you're home!" She said in a soft, low voice, quickly pulling me into a tight embrace. She held me closely into her chest, instantly feeling her body warmth and soothing down into my mother's arms.

"I've missed you," I mumbled into the crook of her neck, unaware if she had heard me or not.

She gave me on last squeeze and let go, smiling. "We've all missed you! I've missed you, your father's missed you, Sophia's missed you! Wish you could take more trips like this every year, eh."

I smiled back at her and she grabbed my luggage, pushing me inside the cottage. The cottage I had grown up in with my younger sister, our ratty footsteps roaming around the floors, our laughter always filled with mischief. The cottage I always snuck out of when I hit my rebellious teen years to go to lame parties with my friends. The cottage that I loved being in every second of every day, and eventually cherished when I had that one special person over.

I entered the living room, finding the telly on to Doctor Who and a young looking golden blond, giving all her attention to her cell phone. I cleared my throat to get her to look up, but I wasn't loud enough. Before I was able to say anything, my mother walked in behind me and said loudly, "Soph, look who came by!"