Je Sus Goes to the Mall

Act 2: Scene 1

(Scene opens in the living room. Je Sus is still kneeling by the fireplace, and the fat orange tabby is sitting in front of her, contentedly licking a paw. Leader-of-the-mice and Lord-of-the-hawks, however, are nowhere to be seen.)

Je Sus: My, those two sure left in a hurry!

Pumpkin: (Looking up from his washing) We cats have a bad reputation for eating small animals. Amazing how prejudice mice and red-tailed hawks can be.

Narrator: (Steps from side and speaks to audience) What did I tell you about being prejudice? That cat's too fat to catch a lame worm! (Steps back)

Je Sus: (To the cat) Well, you look like you've eaten some pretty big animals in your time.

Pumpkin: Are you insulting me?

Je Sus: (Quickly) No. Ah, do you have a name?

Pumpkin: My mother called me Pumpkin, but you can call me Supreme Force Who Crushes His Enemies!

Je Sus: Okay, Pumpkin. Now tell me, how can you be my "fairy godcat?" What even is that? Shouldn't I have a fairy godmother?

Pumpkin: (Glaring at her) Oh, please! Fairy godmothers went out of fashion years ago! People these days have enough trouble with their real mothers! Now a cat, that's something that everyone can love.

Je Sus: What if you're allergic?

Pumpkin: Young lady, it is impossible to be allergic to a magic cat like me.

Je Sus: What if you're more of a dog person?

Pumpkin: Goodness, what do they teach these days? Little girl, it should be well known that cats are magical creatures, while dogs are just dumb animals. Loyal, perhaps, but dumb. People who are more into dogs are because they have no magical potential whatsoever, so they are attracted to their own kind. People who are more into cats, on the other hand, have great magical potential! So are you a cat person?

Je Sus: Sure...

Pumpkin: Good. Now, don't you want to know why you were told to summon me?

Je Sus: Yes. The mouse said there was something for me at the mall...

Pumpkin: Indeed. A prince from a foreign country has been visiting America for the past few weeks, and he is currently in this town. He is in the mall right at this moment, and if you meet him there, he shall fall madly in love with you, exactly the way you are. You can go back to his kingdom with him and be a princess there.

Je Sus: Oh, my! That is definitely better than my books!

Pumpkin: What?

Je Sus: Never mind. What do I have to do?

Pumpkin: We simply travel to the mall, and I will guide you to him. Oh, and you must have some better clothes to wear. That old rag does you no justice.

(Pumpkin waves his tail and in another puff of smoke a beautiful white dress with gold trim appears, and a pair of slippers which appear to be made out of glass.)

Je Sus: Oh... oh, it's so beautiful! This dress is better than anything my step-sisters ever had! And these slippers... (she picks them up, admiring them) are.. are they made out of glass?

Pumpkin: Look at the label.

(Je Sus turns one slipper around in her hand until she finds a label stuck to it.)

Je Sus: (Reading the label out loud) "Warning: Fragile. Not for clumsy people."

Pumpkin: You aren't clumsy, are you?

Je Sus: Not usually.

Pumpkin: Good. Get those clothes on... there's no time to change, just put the dress on over your regular clothes. We must find transportation to the mall!